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I feel like there is no way out

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This topic contains 51 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  anita 1 month ago.

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  • #272379

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Jack:

    Maybe it is not that  you are selfish by complaining, maybe it is that you weren’t heard for so long that you are intensely frustrated. Maybe you want  someone to hear  you, to understand you… to really understand you, and then, top that understanding with empathy, with kindness. To finally not be alone with all that is  bothering you.

    Do you think this is what it is?

    anita

     

     

    #272521

    Jacko
    Participant

    Hello Anita. Maybe, I know when someone who I dont like gives me empathy and kindness, I am not able to return it. Like I am bad person. Maybe it all sources out of my self-hatred. Maybe I am just bad. I am ungrateful person.  It is like I am just using other people to my favor. And thats the thing. I hate myself for being like that. When I really like somebody, Ill do anything for them, but that happened like maybe twice in my short lifetime. And see? My procrastination and laziness just lets me complain here but any patience or persistence or motivation to change my behavior? non existent.

    #272527

    Mark
    Participant

    Jacko,

    I read a lot of negative self-judgement.  I suggest that in order to start shifting your life is to watch your words about yourself (and others) like labeling yourself as lazy. Focus on what is good about you and your life and build from that.

    Check out The Achievement Habit by Bernie Roth.  He gives simple, prescriptive things to do to shift things in your life.

    I suggest you start meditating and do some regular physical exercise.  Both are tools that proven to help with depression.  Meditation can help calm an active mind which will help with ADHD.

    These are not immediate fixes but it’ll help with your life.

    Mark

    #272533

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Jack:

    T0 understand your recent post, I ask:

    1. “when someone who I don’t like gives me empathy and kindness,  I am not able to return it”- who in your life gives you empathy and kindness that you are unable to return?

    2. “I am ungrateful person”- ungrateful to whom and how?

    3. “It is like I am just using other people to my favor”- who are you using and how?

    anita

     

    #273173

    Jacko
    Participant

    Hello Mark!

    Thank you, but it is hard to give yourself nice things. You know. Bad grades at school? Boom, dumb. If I forget to do osmething, which I do all day, Im super scatter minded, then I get just shouted at and so on. There are not many things I can do, in everything I am maybe an average, maybe slightly under average. Ill try to check the book tonight, but I can say now I will mostly forget. Maybe I should write it down. I meditated for two months every morning and every evening, during christmas holiday, I totally lost this habit and I cannot force myslef to even find five stupid minutes to meditate. I run regurarly, strangely I can find energy for that, but to say that its giving me something, wouldnt say.

    To Anita:

    To your first question, it might be mother. it might be my classmates. They seem to care, but in the end the just cared to spread the word around. So technically they only cared to hurt me even more.

    Somehow ungrateful to everything and everyone. It feels like i dont value things around me. I bought mysel a guitar today. Do you think I was grateful for a brand new acoustic guitar? No, it was just like “I worked, well, now its all gone on this guitar. Meh.” I get new clothes, again, silent thank you, then i feel guilty because i dont think i deserve it. My friends try to keep me up sometimes, i talk to them about my problems, but thats all. like i need them just to talk about my things – and this is the third answer. When something is not my way, I subtly and unconsciously try to lead the thing to be my way. its just like I am A ball of the worst emotions packed into narcisstic package, i dont know.

    #273185

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Jack:

    The new acoustic guitar, that is  nice, so are new clothes, but to be heard, to be seen, to be treated with empathy and respect, not to be shouted at, but to be talked to with a kind voice, quiet, and a smile to go with it, that is special. I think that this is what you need. That “ball of the worst emotions” may be  all about just that, a need for kindness.

    But notice: kindness is consistent. There is no kindness when it is in-between shouting. I am not talking about moments of kindness in between disrespect.

    That “narcisstic package”, what if it just a boy who wants to – love and be loved in return?

    anita

     

    #273791

    Jacko
    Participant

    Hello. Yes, ve are talking about materialistic things. I am materialistic, I know it, but still to lazy to do something about it. Well, maybe I do. I thought having someone who will want ot talk to me will help. But it is even worse. I met a girl with whom i have a lot in common, but she keeps texting me almost every hour and is sometimes super negative about herself. since now I thought someone like this will help me to feel more “normal”, but no. I just feel worse. Like someone is being annoying. And Im in a position where saying “no” or “please leave me be for a while” would make her feel sad. I dont want that, but I also wnat her to leave me alone for a while. So here we go, having someone who cares is bad as not having anyone. What now? I might learn to love myself, but there is a lack of motivation to do anything, I skipped two days at school, because i dont even wanted to get out of bed. I dont have motivation to gain motivation. Maybe I want to be loved, but by someone I will love too. But here it is. Someone comes and Im like “no, go away” i dont feel any empathy for her, and that makes me feel even more weird. Ill cut it for now, I feel like I am talking nonsense.

    #273809

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Jack:

    If the girl you met talks a whole  lot about what bothers her in her life, goes  on and on, no wonder you don’t want  to be there and listen to her more. It doesn’t mean you are an un-empathetic person. Think of it like this: a  psychotherapist is paid to listen to a patient talk about their problems, the therapy session being all about the client. But  you are  not a paid professional. You need a person who will limit how much negativity they share  with you and ask about you, be interested  in what you have to say.

    You wrote that you are  not  motivated. And  you called yourself lazy. In the context  of a parent and a  child, when the parent  calls a child “lazy”, it  functions to demotivate the child, to reduce and  even eliminate the child’s motivation.  If you hear that  you are  lazy from your parents, or from yourself, you are hurting your motivation, not the other way around.

    anita

    • This reply was modified 2 months, 1 week ago by  anita.
    #274949

    Jacko
    Participant

    Hello! Sorry for my late reply, few last days were pretty hectic. I hope you didn’t have up on me. Well, it all ended. I’m in psychiatric hospital and I don’t know for how long. Inwas driving with mother to session and on the way we were supposed to stop to pay.for my yoga classes. I was.supposed to navigate but fell asleep because I didn’t sleep the night before. Then she got angry because.i didn’t tell her the way and then when she missed two turns shemsaid it’s because I’m so silent. Obviously she was angry and wanted me to feel the same. Somehow I exploded and.instead of ”being silent” I started to shout the directions. Then I somehow started headbanging against the car door, like a.lottle child. We then ended on psychotherapy, not only me but her too. With the thing that she cannot take care of me anymore and for an hour and glad I was listening to how bad I am. The therapist tried to somehow encourage me, but the only thing I wanted was to end myself. So I just listened. And the next morning we went to hopsital. So I guess this is the end for now. Or maybe a new start. My plans have been destroyed I just lay in bed, it isn’t so bad, but.. well.

    #274955

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Jack:

    Of course I didn’t give up on you, not at all.

    Let’s see if I understand: you and your mother were in the car. She is driving.  You were supposed to give her directions to the agreed on destination (yoga place), but you fell asleep because you didn’t sleep the night before. Next she got angry that you were asleep (not empathetic about you not sleeping the night before and being so tired!). Next she missed two turns. Next she blamed you for missing those turns, saying you are “so silent”. Next, angry back, you shouted the directions, and you banged your head against the car door in anger and frustration. You are currently in a psychiatric hospital-

    For what purpose are you there?

    anita

     

    #275749

    Jacko
    Participant

    Yes. That’s what mostly happened. I don’t know why I have so many problems calming my anger I those situations. I am here to get myself fixed. But I have a lo of free time, so I started meditating again and started being a bit productive. Still I’m technically in asylum.

    #275759

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Jack:

    Your last word of your recent post is “asylum”, mental asylum you mean, correct, as a mental illness facility?

    If so, let’s see regarding recent events: you were at home with your mother, mental asylum #1, next in the car with your mother, mental asylum #2, next in a hospital, the mental ward, mental asylum #3, next (most recently) you are back to mental asylum #1.

    Are you currently in mental asylum #1?

    anita

    #275761

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Jack:

    Your last word of your recent post is “asylum”, mental asylum you mean, correct, as a mental illness facility?

    If so, let’s see regarding recent events: you were at home with your mother, mental asylum #1, next in the car with your mother, mental asylum #2, next in a hospital, the mental ward, mental asylum #3, next (most recently) you are back to mental asylum #1.

    Are you currently in mental asylum #1?

    anita

    #275819

    Jacko
    Participant

    <p style=”text-align: left;”>I’m still in hospital, it’s going to be probably six weeks</p>
    <p style=”text-align: left;”></p>

    #275835

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Jack:

    Will you tell me what is happening there in the hospital, what is your daily life there like and what is the six week plan for you there?

    I will be away from the computer for about sixteen hours and hope to read from you when I am back. (I don’t know the reason for the double post today, of my last post to you showing twice, some kind of mistake, obviously).

    anita

Viewing 15 posts - 16 through 30 (of 52 total)

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