Dear Princess123:

I will start with a summary of what you shared in your threads and then answer your question above. First the summary:

You live in Europe, 23 year old Muslim woman, a student who  is allowed to work part time. You live in a Muslim society where “having relationship is okay but having romantic, and sexual contact are Sin”. And yet, within this conservative society following a 2.5 month relationship with one boyfriend, you started dating and moved in with a new man. Only two months after the ending of a two months and a half relationship (Feb -April 2018). This new man, your live in boyfriend, is a refuge, a man whose family you know (“I know his family and also we are family friends”), from June 2018 till now.

In August last year, 2.5 months into this current live-in relationship, you wrote that you “are having very good relationship”, but that recently he went through your emails, read  and forwarded  to his own email old communication you had with that  boyfriend. Two months later, Oct 2018, you wrote that sitting in a restaurant with your boyfriend, he accused you that you “were giving Signal to another man” a middle aged man. Following that, he told you that he is leaving the apartment you share with him and  that he wants you to “return my every single thing which I gave you”. You then “handed over my shoes, pullover notebook, every single thing…  eggs, juices, glasses, boxes salt sugar, biscuits”, and he took those things “and threw outside of the window or in Dustbin”. You were not working for a while at the time and he told you that “all I ever give this relationship was my Vagina”.

That happened Oct 2018, five months into the relationship. And yet January this year, you wrote: “we had 7 months relationship we never had problems”, that Oct drama happened in the fifth month.

He has  been demanding money from you, “including the cost of the Mac laptop which he bought for me”. You wrote that you don’t  owe him money because during the time you lived with him, you were “with him 24/7 spending time massaging his feet.. giving him Services.. taking care of him, bathing him.. nursing him” and that you therefore earned the money he wants you to return to him.

It puzzles me: you wrote that you stopped working part time while living with him because you wanted to spend more time studying, being a student. And yet,  you wrote that you were with him “24/7… taking care of him”- what about your studies, I wonder.

Next he  told you: “now u will also ask the fee of having sex with him of last 7 months”- seven months is the duration of the live-in relationship so far, June 2018- Jan 2019. Next “he start to call me prostitute and said me that he’ll bring me customers for S*x”. And he proceeded to threaten you that he will send your family “my pics with him”, “and publish all in my city”. He told you that he will you because you are now his enemy (“he’ll destroy me because now I’m his enemy he said”).

Being a refuge, he is not a legal resident in Europe, but still “he created his very good reputation in this country and among our society”.

Now my answer and questions regarding what I think is or may be wrong:

1. If this man, your  live in boyfriend has a “very good reputation in this country and among our society”, and you have spent 24/7 time with him bathing him, nursing him, it leads me to think that he is an older man. Is he? And  if he is a young man,  what kind of “good reputation” does  he have in the Muslim, conservative society where you live? And why were you nursing him, was he sick?

And being a refuge, how can he have a good reputation in the country?

2. You live in a Muslim society, part of which is your family: where are your parents? Do they know and if they know, do they support you living with a man, unmarried, almost immediately upon dating him? If they don’t  know, does that mean they never visit you?

3. You became sexually involved with a man and had him move in with you, way too soon, almost immediately upon starting to date him. That is a bad idea.

3. The drama in this last relationship is mutual. You contributed to it too. Why did you hand him the “eggs, juices, glasses, boxes salt sugar, biscuits” when you saw that he was throwing those items out the window?

Let’s say you handed  him eggs and saw him throwing them out the window, why did you hand him the juices next, and then the salt and sugar, and then the biscuits?

4.  After the  drama in #3, you later wrote that the relationship “never  had problems”. That drama above, his accusations that you are a prostitute was not a  problem?

5. What about your studies and what are your plans for the future?

anita