Dear David:

In 2015, not twenty yet at that time, you wrote: “I would love to make the most out of my life, not just by myself, but with other people and to be able to actually have fun without living in a constant state of worry and fear”.

I agree with what you wrote yesterday: “The way I see it, I could  either drown my trauma in alcohol and drugs, or I could try to confront it, which seems terrifying”, with an adjustment: you can try to drown your trauma in alcohol and drugs, or try to confront it.

Your trauma will not drown and die as you pour alcohol over it, or take drugs to kill it. It doesn’t happen, didn’t happen for millions and millions all  over the world for as long as alcohol and drugs existed. New traumas were born instead: failure of the liver, drunk accidents, and such.

It is terrifying to confront trauma. Start is small dosages, share just a bit with your friend, a few minutes of sharing, then stop, notice how it feels for you having done that, notice how she responds.

What about quality psychotherapy where the therapist should be able to guide you in that bit by bit sharing, listening to you empathetically, never pressuring you to share more, never criticizing you for anything you shared, but encouraging you gently to share more, at your pace?

anita