Dear anita,

Your understanding seems spot on based on what I have shared with you. Another side effect of this negativity that I feel is that on one side I want to get out of it, but on other side my mind (at a deep subconscious level) is so much accustomed to the feeling of negativity that I think it enjoys being in negativity and finding some or the other excuse of being in that mode.

This negativity is so much all engulfing that even in situations that are very positive to normal people, I try to find problems and begin ‘petting’ the problem.

I know that bad habits are easy to learn but very difficult to get rid of. In contrast, good habits take time to inculcate and maintain. I sincerely feel the need to get out of the negativity, but due to lack of proper guidance, I manage to fall back to my bad habits.

I know that it is only me who has to pull myself out of the pit, but if there is someone (a guru) who can show me a path and pushes me mentally into positivity, I believe I can make it.