Hey Hella.

Honestly, it sounds like you actually have quite a lot of anger at yourself for making (from your own perspective) a number of ‘mistakes’, from “giving in” to what your instinct told you was not a good relationship idea, allowing yourself to become vulnerable and trusting him despite this and then continuing to hold out hope it wasn’t actually over.  These things hurt as you feel stupid, weak – and they hurt all the more if you are usually a strong person, which is likely another part of why you have so much anger at being put in the role of a person you don’t see yourself as.  The thing is, we all make choices with consequences, it’s part of the joy and pain of learning and growing as a person. There is no need or basis for you or anyone else to judge you harshly for it, as you put it. It just is what it is. I think you will find if you can be gentler on yourself for making what you now perceive as mistakes, the anger will fade towards the group.  I know it’s not what you wanted to focus on but I suggest it is worth thinking about?