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  • February 7, 2019 at 8:16 pm #279273
    Mrs. Richards
    Participant

    Hey guys,

    I’ve been fired or quit every job I’ve ever had. I’ve probably have over 40. I think it’s not just the job though, but I think I have an issue with being financially stable – something about having my basic needs fulfilled. When I was a kid I did have some of my basic needs deprived or shamed – like spending money on food, spending money in general, and also my dad would always control my money and use it as a way to sort of… make himself feel good. My parents are narcissistic so it’s a lot about them when I ask for help with this problem. I’m living at home, which they like, but even when I’ve moved out, I always seem to mess up my financial situation with sabotage. Now I’m working on a business, hopefully I wouldn’t sabotage this, but I’m running into major problems now that that groundwork is done and it’s time to actually make an income. It feels like this block might be creeping up again, which is scary.

    I’ve always wanted to be a film director, or at least when people ask me what I want to do, that’s what I want to do. I tried to pursue it for years, but I faced so much adversity pursuing it that I decided to stop. It felt like I was abusing myself because I was living like a starving artist, and really just suffering and struggling. I think it’s best to take care of my basic needs before any crazy dreams right? For some reason that’s tough for me. I’m just trying to figure out what to do to get this sabotage under control. I feel like I almost attract the blocks and issues. Today I had 6 interviews, and only 2 of them showed up. Didn’t get the jobs, but I’m still working on my business. As I mentioned, I’m having trouble getting past the issue in my business that’s stopping me from getting to the part where I can make income… I’m hustling 7 days a week, and have been since December, but no progress in terms of income either in a job or my business. Anyways, it’s a long term issue – a long term cycle. It’s a negative pattern, a cycle I’m stuck in. Trying to get money, getting some, quitting or getting fired, repeat. I know I’m meant for more and have a purpose in this world so I have to overcome this internal block and sabotage. I just need a bit of help learning how to overcome it. Thanks

    February 7, 2019 at 8:33 pm #279279
    Mark
    Participant

    Mrs. Richards,

    I can identify with your situation though I am not you nor had the same kind of upbringing.

    How old are you?

    What is your business that you are trying to get off the ground?

    What kind of jobs that you are looking for?

    What are the patterns you see in yourself that caused the firings or desire to quit?  What do these jobs have in common?

    Good for you for trying to figure out this cycle of setbacks.

    Mark

    February 7, 2019 at 9:13 pm #279283
    Mrs. Richards
    Participant

    Hi Mark,

    Thank you reading. I’m currently 27. The business I’m working on is an idea I’ve had for a while now, and decided to make an app. The app is what I’m working on. I’ve also been looking for marketing jobs. I’ve tried social media and film too. The whole process is daunting : ( For quitting jobs it’s usually been because they weren’t covering my basic needs and I felt I needed to try to get a full-time job, or the boss was intolerable. I’ve noticed I attract a specific type of boss that is a bit toxic, overbearing, and generally hires and fires. I’ve had at least three bosses that have hired and fired others, in addition to me, it seems like part of the pattern is that I get desperate and am forced to take a job that’s sort of the one that everyone else won’t take. I’m pretty sure that most reputable employers wouldn’t hire me. I’ve just never been offered a full time job with one – it seems like most people wouldn’t hire me because I’m a bit charismatic. I’ve been told multiple times that I will not be hired for a job because “I’ll be bored.” It’s a tiring conversation.. I hate JOBS! At a certain point I just hate them so much that it’s a no. I’ve had enough. I’m fed up. I just feel like a 9-5 job isn’t for me. I’ve never felt like it was my destiny.

    I’m ok with doing a business, I think it’s a better fit for me. I’ve realized the issue is not the jobs! It’s that I have a block to making a living wage. Doesn’t matter if the money is coming from a job or a business – if there’s a possibility for me to have my bills covered, food on the table, and a roof over my head, I’ll sabotage it. Not sure why. I had a traumatic experience with my photo teacher in college yelling at me about my plans for my career. I’m not sure what happened with that which made me have doubt/fear/ or just energetically rattled me in terms of my career. But before that I usually didn’t have a problem making money. Now I do.

    But I’ll figure out this cycle of setbacks with your help – I’ve realized it’s not going to happen on my own

    February 7, 2019 at 9:34 pm #279285
    Mark
    Participant

    Mrs. Richardson,

    I wonder how much of your parents’ qualities and characteristics are like the bosses you have worked for?  We tend to attract those people from our FOO (family of origin).  Have you gotten therapy for this pattern?

    I wonder if you tried consulting or short term contract work?  Even helping small businesses with their social media or marketing.

    You can also look to volunteer to build a resume and a track record of success.

    I can fully understand how daunting finding jobs is.

    I suggest that you examine yourself (without or with a therapist) on where else this belief of not being able to make a living.  Go back to your childhood and examine what values your parents have around money and making a living. What sort of work did they do and how they talked about it?  Were they happy with their work?  Were they happy with themselves?

    I suspect it is more than than one incident with your photo teacher that deeply affected your current behavior and beliefs.

    Mark

    February 8, 2019 at 6:34 am #279307
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Mrs. Richards:

    The following quotes from your posts are very significant and I would like to understand better what you meant by them:

    1. “When I was a kid I did have some of my basic needs deprived or shamed- like spending money on food, spending money in general”- how were you shamed regarding your basic needs being satisfied? What was the nature of your deprivation?

    2. “my dad would always control my money and use it as a way to sort of. make himself feel good”- what did he say and do in regard to your money?

    anita

     

    February 8, 2019 at 11:06 am #279353
    Mark
    Participant

    Mrs. Richards,

    I suspect that the shaming by your parents/father around money is also linked on your ability to sustain a job.

    Keeping a job=making money=having money to spend=shame/bad.

    Father controls money=Boss controls money/job/you.

    Mark

    February 10, 2019 at 10:24 pm #279629
    Mrs. Richards
    Participant

    .

    • This reply was modified 5 years, 10 months ago by Mrs. Richards.
    • This reply was modified 5 years, 10 months ago by Mrs. Richards.
    March 25, 2019 at 1:14 pm #286297
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Realise this is a month old but had to chime in! Really good advice here.

    I’m drawn to the response, “You’ll be bored” – This indicates that you’re perceived as being over-qualified for the roles you’re applying for.  If so, are you applying for lower skilled roles because you want to feel secure that they won’t fire you? Statistically, women are more likely to do this than men.  If not, have you embelished your CV?

    We develop our money-beliefs at an early age from our parents (mostly) or how, as children, we observe other’s spending habits. It’s really important to identify what those limiting beliefs are and trace them back to the formative events, so that you can begin to unravel the pattern.  We create our reality with our beliefs, thoughts and actions – so those money beliefs in effect, are creating yours right now.

    “I’m pretty sure reputable employers won’t employ me” – You have to get smart with how you speak to yourself and define your reality.

    Break the pattern, don’t become it.

    I wish you luck!

    Emma

    http://www.emmavergara.com

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