Morning (?!) all.

Absolutely – I’m currently perched on my balcony listening to the birds singing and enjoying the morning sunshine before heading out in a bit to explore some more. I’m just so pleased I made the effort to sort this trip out, it’s an awesome place.

Shelby, I think it’s ok to leave him on the pedastal if you need to – this isn’t really about having to pretend otherwise, it’s all about honesty with yourself and dealing with reality. So if he’s your current view of the perfect man for you, fine, leave him on there, people aren’t really better than others, someone who is perfect for one person can be another’s nightmare after all!! It’s all about what works for you.  But being honest with yourself and acknowledging that even though he is “perfect”, he doesn’t want or feel the same things about love and future as you do, that means a relationship with him is not perfect for you, even if it is the best you have felt so far in your life. It just means you haven’t yet felt or had more but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. It would be helpful to hear more about what you felt you did get out of the relationship and what you didn’t if you want to share. But I do think your therapist is smart and thinking on the same lines I was, it’s change you are more scared of – which is what will make you cling to the old and familiar, even if not good for you. Many many people are scared of success, which does seem odd – but it does mean change even when it’s a good change. What do you find so scary about change? Is it lack of control, of wondering if you will be able to cope? I ask since you are ‘talking’ to someone who used to be both terrified to go outside her comfort zone yet was constantly pulled to do so – until now my last mentor actually labelled me a ‘change junkie’ and I burst out laughing since it was so true now. So I know first-hand how possible it is to go from approaching everything nervously and with fear to embracing and seeking out new experiences. I do truly think if you can work on breaking down what is so scary about change for you, you will find your way forwards with or without this guy. Happy to help as ever where I can!

Kkasxo – I’ve heard the hardest part for people in the deepest part of depression is the first step to help, to lift up from the bottom. I hope you have reached out to your family, friends and doctor and I really hope you can feel the first glimmer of a genuine smile at something. You should be proud you survived your trauma date – you made it through, you are still here. I hope it was not as bad as you feared and you felt at least a little relief?