No clue if anyone will read this because i have been defensive and pushed people away – but I want to apologize for being that way. I’m pushing my friends from home and people on this site away. It just goes to show I’m a shitty person.

I appreciate all of your input up to this point. I won’t bother anyone – to those of you who tried to help, thank you. I’m just a lost cause who isn’t willing to accept my situation. I apologize for any time you’ve wasted. Best wishes.

I think what you’re going through and what you’re feeling from this situation is normal. It’s okay to step back and be alone when you need to, just don’t let yourself get in too deep of an isolation for too long because it does help a ton to talk to people and have their support. It’s also okay to let yourself feel whatever you need to feel until you get to the point where you can move past it. It’s okay to not completely accept it until you feel ready to accept it. All of those things come with time and it’s important to move at your own pace. This is all still pretty recent for you and it takes a while to get through all of these emotions.

In the meantime, please don’t let your mind convince you that you’re worse than you are. You are not a crappy person or a lost cause. You’re in pain, your mind’s in pain, your heart is in pain, and it all feels awful. But it won’t forever (even when it feels like it will). And we all are here for you whenever you feel the need to vent. I hope you start feeling better very, very soon and please be gentle with yourself in the meantime.