Dear Anita,

Yes, my ex boyfriend played a major if not primary part in the events of the summer which as a result have lead me to my depression, anxiety and PTSD. I don’t know whether at the time neither of us considered or thought about that it would be THIS bad but nonetheless it is. His mother did indeed send me threatening messages although she didn’t show up at my place of work, his sister did show up at my house though to ‘talk’ but that was all patronising and abusive too..

My mother, step-father and sister at the time were very much disappointed and heart broken at the time and perceived him and his family to be horrible people. I believe they’re still of that thought, particularly my step-father and my sister, but with time also comes perception.. So in the conversation I had with my mother some weeks ago, which I’ll add she started, she discussed that she doesn’t believe he is a bad person and rather he didn’t know how to behave or manage the situation at the time and we both acted out in ways which may have been out of character to us. With that in mind, she confirmed that she is of the belief that IF I still loved him and thought I wanted to continue a relationship with him then he should be heard out, as he should hear me out and see if that is something that could go forward if that is what we both wanted. She advised that we are only human and that we make mistakes and if I felt that his explanation or whatever was sufficient then maybe he deserved a second chance.. She also went onto say that she is only of that thought because of how well we fitted together and how wonderful a relationship we had prior to this. I think the conversation was her way of saying to me, you’re my child and I love you and I don’t want to make this any more difficult on you than it already is IF you do want to get back together with him.

Well recently it seems she’s had a change of heart. Despite the fact that she doesn’t know any details at all of our recent communication she now thinks I am out of my mind for even considering this relationship. We had a brief altercation about this yesterday as I admitted that unbeknownst to her I have indeed been severely struggling over the last few months and I have lost myself completely in the process, so her various advice over the last few weeks is also loosing me and confusing me even further. I have since shut down the conversation all together and said I will not discuss any of this, and I don’t mean just my ex because he is the least of my worries right now, with anyone from this point forward. It is too hurtful and like picking at a scab which is nowhere near healing. I think this in turn has created somewhat an awkward atmosphere at home so I have chosen to ‘run’ and go away for the weekend to breathe.. and I will be looking for my flat in the oncoming weeks as I NEED to be alone in this. More than anything, I want and need to be alone without having to explain my every move to anyone when I am clearly unable to even explain it to myself.

I mentioned earlier on another thread, ‘I lost myself trying to please everyone else and now I’m loosing everyone trying to find myself’.