I should preface by saying that I’m seventeen and yes, I know I will probably be a practically different person a month from now– just like I was a month ago– because that’s what it’s like at this age. Nonetheless I feel I have nowhere else to turn right now for guidance. It all probably sounds dramatic but hey, I wish I wasn’t like this but I am haha.

I’ll try to stay concise– Lately I’ve been looking closely into the biggest sources of suffering in the world (you can guess which philosophy got me interested in that!). Famine’s one that really gets me. I’ve spent hours researching its complicated causes as well as some of the organisations dedicated to tackling it. As time’s gone by, I’ve had more ideas about how I want to help. First it was an idea to do a volunteering program sometime. But soon that didn’t feel enough, so I thought about donating on top of that a chunk of all the wages I ever earn to charity.

But it still didn’t feel enough, so I’ve hummed and hahed about the idea of trying to work directly with one of these institutions as a career. It’s very difficult to stomach this idea though, because for the past five years I’ve had my heart set on music and the thought of throwing all that away (including all the practice and songs written) feels crap. This borderline obsession I’ve had with mass suffering recently, though, has started to overshadow EVERYTHING and (I never thought I’d say this) I’ve sort of lost the passion for making music. But it’s not like I have any passion to do the kind of field work I have in mind either; it frightens me and upsets me think about it; I just feel this urgent duty to try and heal the wounds of the world.

I didn’t sleep last night because I was consumed by thoughts, and suddenly in the last 24 hours it feels like everything’s falling apart and I’m losing the will to even live at all because the world feels so hostile. Nothing feels worth it anymore. When I think of all the suffering in the world I sort of envision this humongous boulder that I’m trying to carry back up the mountain it rolled down, and the struggle is completely hopeless.

Honestly, anything any of you have to say that might come to mind would be appreciated <3 I haven’t talked to people really about it because I don’t want to bring anyone down and it all feels a little silly and dramatic. I feel bad for bringing it to such a peaceful subreddit but hopefully I haven’t picked the worst place.

I should preface by saying that I’m seventeen and yes, I know I will probably be a practically different person a month from now– just like I was a month ago– because that’s what it’s like at this age. Nonetheless I feel I have nowhere else to turn right now for guidance. It all probably sounds dramatic but hey, I wish I wasn’t like this but I am haha.

I’ll try to stay concise– Lately I’ve been looking closely into the biggest sources of suffering in the world (you can guess which philosophy got me interested in that!). Famine’s one that really gets me. I’ve spent hours researching its complicated causes as well as some of the organisations dedicated to tackling it. As time’s gone by, I’ve had more ideas about how I want to help. First it was an idea to do a volunteering program sometime. But soon that didn’t feel enough, so I thought about donating on top of that a chunk of all the wages I ever earn to charity.

But it still didn’t feel enough, so I’ve hummed and hahed about the idea of trying to work directly with one of these institutions as a career. It’s very difficult to stomach this idea though, because for the past five years I’ve had my heart set on music and the thought of throwing all that away (including all the practice and songs written) feels crap. This borderline obsession I’ve had with mass suffering recently, though, has started to overshadow EVERYTHING and (I never thought I’d say this) I’ve sort of lost the passion for making music. But it’s not like I have any passion to do the kind of field work I have in mind either; it frightens me and upsets me think about it; I just feel this urgent duty to try and heal the wounds of the world.

I didn’t sleep last night because I was consumed by thoughts, and suddenly in the last 24 hours it feels like everything’s falling apart and I’m losing the will to even live at all because the world feels so hostile. Nothing feels worth it anymore. When I think of all the suffering in the world I sort of envision this humongous boulder that I’m trying to carry back up the mountain it rolled down, and the struggle is completely hopeless.

Honestly, anything any of you have to say that might come to mind would be appreciated <3 I haven’t talked to people really about it because I don’t want to bring anyone down and it all feels a little silly and dramatic. I feel bad for bringing it to such a peaceful subreddit but hopefully I haven’t picked the worst place.