norit,

I find as a great rule-of-thumb is to make decisions out of love, not fear.  You have listed all the “what ifs” scenarios that can be bad which all comes from fear.

You have been on the waiting list for years.  You know that this is a healthy move and you have the opportunity to put yourself first.

Your anxiety, catastrophising, guilt and sense of overwhelm are all coming from your fears.  It seems that you will feel that way regardless of your life circumstances.  Am I right?

You can always move back in with your mother.

Mark