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Anonymous.
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March 30, 2019 at 12:17 pm #287003
ChelseaParticipantI met this older guy in June 2016. Things moved fast and in two months he asked me to be his girlfriend. I said no, because I saw him browsing OkCupid at dinner. Move forward roughly two years. We agree to meet up. He tells me he’s “very attracted to me.” We have sex. Afterward, he tells me he can’t date me because I live too far away. The next morning, he said he wanted to see me again soon-ish. For the entire summer, we’d meet up once a month and have sex. At one point, he made it clear that he did not care if I dated other people. That same day, he also told me he liked me. Toward the end of summer, I found another girl’s razor in his shower. He said it was his ex’s. He also said he’d like to just be friends. He stopped replying to my texts after this. Was I ghosted? I reached out in December 2018 and he suggested we meet up. I agreed, but did not have sex with him when he tried. He tells me I’m attractive. I’m getting mixed signals and don’t know what to do. Suggestions? Thanks.
March 30, 2019 at 12:29 pm #287011
MarkParticipantChelsea
There are no mixed signals of you only look at his behavior.
There is no indication he wants a monogamous relationship. If you want to have a drop in sexual relationship then continue to see him.
Mark
March 30, 2019 at 7:18 pm #287043
AnonymousGuestDear Chelsea:
He said the following things: asked you to be his girlfriend, told you that he was very attracted to you, that he couldn’t date you because you live too far away, that he will see you again soon-ish, that he doesn’t care if you date other people, that he liked you, that the girl’s razor in his bathroom was his ex’s, that he’d like to just be friends.
He did the following things: browsed OkCupid at dinner, had sex with you, met up once a month and had sex during the summer, and he stopped replying to your texts.
“I’m getting mixed signals and don’t know what to do. Suggestions?” you asked.
What I see is a man who was motivated all along to have sex with you. He asked you to be his girlfriend because he wanted you to be okay with having sex with him. He was attracted to you, like he said, this is why he wanted to have sex with you. But he probably was attracted to other women as well and was looking to have sex with other women as well (OkCupid). Lately his motivation to have sex with you is gone and this is why he didn’t reply to your texts. Probably he has other options. If he finds himself without another option, that is another woman willing to have sex with him, he is likely to contact you again. He will likely say things to you to make you say okay to him again.
I suggest you don’t respond to him if he does contact you and that you no longer contact him. In the future, meet a man so to get to know him while not having sex with him. If he asks you to be his girlfriend, don’t have sex with him immediately because he may ask that so to have sex with you, just like this man did. Date a man with no sex, see to it that he is interested in getting to know your mind and heart, not just your body.
“Feeling Used” is painful. I know the feeling and I am sorry for your experience. But if you learn from it, you can prevent this from happening again.
anita
March 31, 2019 at 7:55 am #287081AnonymousGuestDear Chelsea:
I wanted to add that I would like to read more from you, understand better. You wrote that he was an older guy, I wonder how much older and I wonder about how old you are. There was something you wanted from him, and I wonder what that was.
What it is that you needed from him, I think you can get that for yourself if you understand better, and I would like to help you understand better.
anita
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