Dear Anita

Spring break (March 19th-22nd) was a good time to catch up on assignments. I finished applications to Rutgers University, Rowan University and Stockton University. Hoping for the best for those colleges that I applied to. Rutgers University and Rowan University are still awaiting my Spring semester classes grades which I will send to them after the Spring semester is done (May 15th). I will be graduating in the summer after my Physics course which will start May 20th to June 26th. I am excited to graduate from Ocean County College and look forward to hearing the admissions decisions for the colleges I’ve applied to. I am interested in Rutgers University because it has the genetic engineering program I am interested in and I admire the cancer research institute that’s nearby the campus. In addition, Rutgers University in New Brunswick, NJ is near Highland Park an area that is LGBTQ friendly. Rowan University also has the degree program I am interested in, but the research institutes nearby the campus are not as diverse as Rutgers University. As for Stockton University, I like the campus nature landscape and the trails that have trees and a lake nearby. Also, Stockton University is very LGBTQ friendly. They have a transgender community at Stockton University and I’ve met some people there because I was there once for an LGBTQ community event. I hope that my high school transcripts will arrive at Stockton University and Rowan University soon because I have ordered them and it takes around two weeks for the colleges to receive them. So after April 11th, if the colleges haven’t received the high school transcripts, then I may have to resend them. The admissions decisions for all three colleges is April 15th, but some colleges that are awaiting my Ocean County College Spring semester grades and high school transcripts are still thinking about the admissions decisions. In the meantime, I am working on my school assignments for the Spring semester. My Art History class has book questions due each week which I always submit on time. My US History III class has two more quizzes this month, an essay and a final exam which I am preparing for. I have a good outline for my Art History class assignment essay that is due April 25th and the presentation that is due May 14th. My Anatomy/Physiology II class will have an exam this Thursday April 11th so I will be studying for it, but I feel confident that I will do well in that class as well. I want to work on a schedule so I can plan my Chemistry II assignments so I don’t fall behind because although I have been doing well on the exams, I haven’t been doing well on the assignments so I am working on improving my scores. The science classes have lab components that are separate courses that help with the lecture. I am doing well in both Anatomy/Physiology II lab and lecture. For Chemistry II, the lecture is going well, but I need to work on doing better on my assignments. As for Chemistry II lab, the professor is tough grader and even if my answers make sense she still grades them harshly if they are wrong. The Chemistry II lab professor takes points off if one of your trials in the lab went wrong (even if she sees what happened like the lab equipment failed) and she’ll only give students half credit for their lab report. I like how my Chemistry II lab professor explains things and makes the concepts easier to understand, but I wish she wouldn’t grade so harshly because I currently have a 65 in lab right now. I am still passing the lab class because students need a 60 or higher to pass courses, but I want to have a better grade. My Chemistry II lecture grade is an 85 though. So my average grade for Chemistry II (lecture plus lab) is a C. Hopefully I’ll be able to work on building up my lab grade.

My Ocean Pride LGBTQ friends at Ocean County College are amazing and they help me when I feel stressed. They linked me to Ocean Crest mental health services that has resources to help me with my anxiety and gender dysphoria. It is helpful talking with friends and the people of Ocean Crest because the more I talk about my feelings the more I understand myself and feel better about myself. I hope that the colleges that I applied to for transferring will have good news for admissions decisions and I will be able to live on campus away from my parents. I am hoping to find internships at the four year universities so I can start saving money and working on getting therapy and medically transitioning. Since I am under 26 (still 20 years old), I am under my parents’ insurance and they don’t accept my gender identity so I will have to save money to buy my own insurance or have enough to pay out-of-pocket. My friends from Ocean Pride LGBTQ are helpful at giving me resources where I can work on the transitioning process which is exciting but it’s still difficult because I still live in my parents’ home and am using their insurance so when the resources that they help me find ask me for insurance, I often feel conflicted because I don’t want to go through my parents insurance but I know that it’s expensive to pay out-of-pocket. I know that Stockton University is quite close to the Mazzoni Center in Pennsylvania and the Mazzoni Center specializes in transgender people. They also operate on a sliding scale where if you don’t have insurance, they can see your situation and your income and determine the best way for you to still get therapy, but for hormones you would have to pay out-of-pocket but the cost wouldn’t be an expensive amount of money. I am hoping to visit the Mazzoni Center soon and see what options I have. Meanwhile my Ocean Pride LGBTQ friends have linked me up with Ocean Crest in Toms River, NJ near my my community college. Ocean Crest members have therapists that help guide you and it’s helpful but they don’t have a sliding scale and although they are LGBTQ friendly, they don’t know a lot about transgender people as the Mazzoni Center does. But I still find it helpful to have a resource closer to help me just to talk about my feelings when I feel overwhelmed at times. The counselors at Ocean County College are helpful as well and they also provide me with support and the drop-in services are helpful because when I feel stressed I can stop by and talk. The counselors also started a Mindfulness Meditation program that runs on Thursdays in the library that I enjoy going to because it helps me de-stress. Although I am quite busy with classes, working on graduating from Ocean County College and transfering as well as thinking about the transitioning process I feel quite hopeful and think I am making progress. I still have moments when I feel distressed and distant from myself like I feel like I’m hitting roadblocks and my dysphoria makes me feel depressed but I am grateful to have friends who help me understand myself. My friends help me find myself again and work on picking up the pieces of myself and help me feel more whole. I think I have become a better person and am growing more confident about myself since I started community college. Now I am in my last semester of Ocean County College and I realize that I have more of a sense of self than when first started. I am grateful to have friends like you who helped me along the way. Thank you for being who you are and for being the stars that shine giving me light in the darkness and reminding me and there’s still hope. It is friends like you who helped me become the person I am today and keep me striving for the person I want to be. Wish you all the best in the week ahead Anita!