Dear monkey mind:

No, it is not too much for you to ask: you can post here as many times as you want, express yourself right here.

It reads to me that you had trouble dealing with your son, so you invited your father to help you, but now you have trouble dealing with your son and with your father. In other words, your father isn’t helping, he is more of a problem than a solution. Am I correct?

anita

Dear monkey mind:

You are welcome. How long is your father going to be with you, how long is this visit?

anita

Dear monkey mind:

Getting organized and on task will help a whole lot, during this visit and afterwards.

Because your parents are not good for your mental health (“I get anxious when my family is around and my stomach has been queasy… I have anxiety issues that flare up big time around my parents”), maybe it is better that you don’t have any of them visit you, or you visit them in the future. Do you think so?

anita

Dear monkey mind:

It is better to isolate yourself from people who increase your anxiety, not all people are good to be around. Some of the people who are harmful to us are.. our family members. It is often the case.

And it is not “a selfish thing to do”, to isolate yourself, that is, to protect yourself from people who harm your emotional health.

“I wish this unease would go away and I can feel normal”- a lot of adult children try to be okay with family members who are harmful, but it is not possible. Nature is such that no animal can possibly be okay with danger. All animals escape danger best they can.. isolating themselves from danger.

Because humans are complex animals with lots of thinking going on and a very complex social interactions, unlike animals in the wild who have it simpler, danger for us humans is not limited to a predatory animal who threatens our physical lives. The danger is often someone who makes us feel really bad about ourselves, making us feel  incompetent and unable to do things right.

What is the kind of danger that your father presents to you?

anita