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This topic contains 7 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  anita 2 months ago.

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  • #288997

    monkey mind
    Participant

    Hello – I am in a totally weird spot. I asked my father to visit me as I was having a rough time with my 10 year old son. I am a single mom and have been struggling for the past few months as my son isn’t coping very well with the divorce. while he is here to help and resolve some of my issues, I am finding myself in a weird spot. I get anxious when my family is around and my stomach has been queasy for the past few days. I need to be focused on what help I want from him, be kind to him (I roll my eyes too often) come up with a wellness plan for my son. But its getting hard to stay on target as mostly I seem to be managing my emotions (which is exhausting). I need help to stay calm and focused and think of the bigger picture and not get so self absorbed. I am hoping to stay with this community for the next few days and get support to get through one day at a time. Is it too much to ask?

    #289003

    anita
    Participant

    Dear monkey mind:

    No, it is not too much for you to ask: you can post here as many times as you want, express yourself right here.

    It reads to me that you had trouble dealing with your son, so you invited your father to help you, but now you have trouble dealing with your son and with your father. In other words, your father isn’t helping, he is more of a problem than a solution. Am I correct?

    anita

    #289009

    monkey mind
    Participant

    Thank you so much!!! hug!

    He is being nice to me but I have anxiety issues that flare up big time around my parents. So often I find myself getting warm in my palms and my face heats up a bit. We are not close and while he is still open, I have a very cage personality in front of him.

    #289017

    anita
    Participant

    Dear monkey mind:

    You are welcome. How long is your father going to be with you, how long is this visit?

    anita

    #289019

    monkey mind
    Participant

    a month. the right thing for me to do is make a list of to do items and stay on task and manage my emotions..at least that will give me a sense of accomplishment.

    #289023

    anita
    Participant

    Dear monkey mind:

    Getting organized and on task will help a whole lot, during this visit and afterwards.

    Because your parents are not good for your mental health (“I get anxious when my family is around and my stomach has been queasy… I have anxiety issues that flare up big time around my parents”), maybe it is better that you don’t have any of them visit you, or you visit them in the future. Do you think so?

    anita

     

    #289095

    monkey mind
    Participant

    I feel not having them come or not visiting them is isolating my self and a selfish thing to do. It’s so conflicting at the same time though. I wish this unease would go away and I can feel normal.

     

    #289119

    anita
    Participant

    Dear monkey mind:

    It is better to isolate yourself from people who increase your anxiety, not all people are good to be around. Some of the people who are harmful to us are.. our family members. It is often the case.

    And it is not “a selfish thing to do”, to isolate yourself, that is, to protect yourself from people who harm your emotional health.

    “I wish this unease would go away and I can feel normal”- a lot of adult children try to be okay with family members who are harmful, but it is not possible. Nature is such that no animal can possibly be okay with danger. All animals escape danger best they can.. isolating themselves from danger.

    Because humans are complex animals with lots of thinking going on and a very complex social interactions, unlike animals in the wild who have it simpler, danger for us humans is not limited to a predatory animal who threatens our physical lives. The danger is often someone who makes us feel really bad about ourselves, making us feel  incompetent and unable to do things right.

    What is the kind of danger that your father presents to you?

    anita

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