Dear RJG:

You are welcome.

“why did he keep saying that if all he wanted sex, it would be much simpler and he didn’t have to bring me home for that”- he said that so to make you feel special about being in his home, honored that he allegedly thinks so highly of you that he will have sex with you ..in his own home! He wanted you to feel honored and to express your gratitude for the honor by having sex with him, in his own home.

1. “Why was he not clear  with his intentions with me?”- because of the context. If the context was that you were a prostitute and he was a client, then he would be very clear with his intentions, knowing that what you want is money, and him willing to pay, he will and the deed will be done.

Or if the context was that he advertised an add looking for hookups and you answered, knowing what a hookup is, sex, no relationship, then the intentions would be clear to both parties.

But in the context of you and him, he wants sex, you want a relationship, so he pretends that he wants more than sex, so that you will be hopeful and have sex with him. (It used to be very common for men to lie to women, to tell a woman:  I-love-you, I want-to-marry you etc., not meaning any of it, just so that the woman will be wiling to have sex with the man).

“When I said, I am looking for something meaningful, why did he not step back & raise his hand?”- raise his hand and say that he is not looking for something meaningful, is what you meant? If so, he didn’t because he wanted to have sex with you and didn’t want to turn you away from him by telling you his truth.

2. “What changed things overnight? In the very beginning while he attempted to reach me and talk, it just stopped abruptly until I would reach out. Why?”- he probably got busy with something else or someone else, another woman, pursuing another woman. On your end nothing happened, you were not busy with another man, so you wondered why is he not contacting me. On his end, he was busy, otherwise engaged.

3. “we did share lot of intimacy. As mutual respect, should this not end on a nicer note rather than just ghosting?”- you felt emotionally intimate with him, he felt predominantly sexually intimate. There is a difference. I don’t know what you mean by respect: lying to you was not respectful, misleading you was not respectful. Nice that he called you to see that you got home safely, a touch of.. decency in an overall presentation of indecency  on his part.

“I literally feel like a whore except that I wasn’t paid”- I agree with your assessment. Better see to  it that it doesn’t happen again!

“Please help me know if I should reach out to him just for closure… my urge for closure is shooting up with every passing day”- no, he will not give you closure. Instead he is likely to suggest that you go to his place yet again. Better you don’t contact him, better yet, block him. The closure you need is to see to it that this does not happen again, that you will not be used again this way. For this purpose, I will be glad to continue to communicate with you, post again anytime and I will reply.

anita