Anita- Again, thanks much for taking all the time to explain things. While plain truth does hurt, your explanation only made things all the more clearer to me. Could you please advise how do i just get out from the state i currently am in? I wish there was a switch to shut down all the thought! My depression over the years have left me with no hobbies and i hardly have interest in anything. I do have a very well paying job and i like my work- keeps me sane, fed and occupied. But apart from that, there’s absolutely nothing i look forward to. Where do i start from? i really don’t want myself to be in the same place ever again. I want to be absolutely unaffected and independent emotionally. Anything you could advise?

Hi GL- Thank you very much for your kind words. You are right in saying that i take all the responsibility of any bad in a relationship. Its much easier to take it all on myself- it happened with me ‘cos i let it happen so yes, i blame it all on myself. On the ghosting- what just leaves me in bits is the fact that the last conversation before the ghosting used to be all so normal. So it gets me pondering as to what went wrong where. What exactly did i do wrong which made him do this & i keep ruminating over it. I still feel ghosting is just absolutely immature, cowardly & disrespectful. And you rightly said that i fear that no one’s out there for me. Its a shitty feeling and i really want to overcome that. I had silently suffered in almost every aspect and had come out strong except for when a man is involved. And yes it brings shame to me.