I’m glad you’re well. Thank you, for always replying here. I know I’m not the only one who is very grateful for it! ♥

I might just ramble, if that’s okay, I’ve not really spoken about it to anyone and it would be nice to do so.

I started volunteering last year at a cafe which both of us love, with his encouragement. The staff are amazing; it’s such a positive and passionate atmosphere about things I value. I really enjoy being there, even just washing the dishes. But it’s become harder to go there since we’ve broken up. If he is there I don’t go in there, and vice versa. I feel like it’s more ‘his place’, and they are ‘his friends’, and I have hurt him by breaking up with him so people won’t like me. A very paranoid part of me worries he is turning everyone against me, which I know isn’t true. The few times I’ve gone in there they are lovely to me, and I know realistically none of this even occurs to them. I spoke recently to them about starting up my volunteering again and they were very welcoming.
But it has become this fear I don’t know what to do about. He said he was jealous of me having other friends, and had a worry that people like others more than they like him. He was kind and I don’t think would do any of this, but it’s an intrusive thought I can’t control.

Maybe part of it is that this is all new for me? He was my first adult relationship. I’ve not broken up with anyone, I miss him terribly, and of course it’s going to be awkward after for both of us.

I’m just a bit frustrated at myself, I don’t want this to get in the way of volunteering or my treatment, but I am letting it do so