Dear Cali Chica:

“Sometimes I see other people that are closer to my age, 35 or so, new doctors who seem to have already built an empire. This makes me often doubt myself and question myself or put myself down… Why can’t I do what they do even though I have the talent.. it is difficult for (husband) to do his job as a good surgeon because of the infrastructure and administration is quite unorganized and frenzied… It is a shame because he is such a ‘qualified surgeon with a great talent, but is unable to utilize the skills often because he doesn’t have a great set up”-

One’s talent and skill in a subject area, such as in surgery is only part of what is required to succeed in a career as a surgeon. Clearly it takes the ability to perform well over time in an unorganized and frenzied hospital setting.

To be a successful business owner of a Wellness Center, it takes more than skill and talent in the area of medicine and wellness, it takes the ability and willingness to start small and persist, month after month, year after year, to keep going and going while learning and adjusting, not only in the subject area but in interpersonal relationships with people you come across throughout the business endeavor.

Your mother’s idea that all it takes is talent to be this and that is idiotic. Of course lots of people with lots of talent fail while less talented people succeed- it is because it takes a whole lot more than talent to succeed, and people who don’t have- and will not get- what is needed to succeed- will not succeed!

Let’s use this definition of stupidity: stupid is as stupid does (and smart: smart is as smart does). Now, let’s look at your husband- I imagine he is a very intelligent man, clearly very educated, and clearly, very skillful, being a surgeon. But let’s see what he did (see italicized definition): he married a woman who looked down at him and who verbally mistreated him, a woman with a mother  and who tortured him and his parents long before the wedding. A smart man wouldn’t have married you, it was a stupid move on his part to marry you having the information true to the time. If he was stupid in making such a  significant potentially lifetime decision, how else is he being … stupid?

Let’s look at you, a very intelligent woman, very educated and talented and yet, you have mistreated the man with whom you teamed up for life. How stupid is that? I mean, you damage the man who brings money to your shared bank account, who pay into your mutual bills, and you glorify strangers-

How else are you being… stupid?

So you look at others, their luck (everyone who is lucky this minute will be unlucky soon enough, as is the nature of luck), their connections (how many people with connections didn’t take advantage of such and if they did, they ruined those connections..) and you complain- this is why I don’t succeed, I don’t have their luck and connections. Not so much, not likely in the case of medical doctors in the USA. Way more likely, the reason is stupidity.

So get smarter, un-stupefy yourself and work together with your husband to un-stupefy yourselves and each other.

“those who have the connections make it- even though we may try and try”- try smarter, not harder. Every smarter thing you do today is progress, get smarter and smarter.

One more thing: to lessen your husband stress, you starting a business for this purpose of lowering his stress is not a good idea, I don’t think. Starting a business is a very stressful prospect, risky,  unpredictable, not congruent with you being a calmer support for him, not before the ten years or so that it will take the business to run by itself.

anita