Dear Anita,

I felt it – I felt some pain this morning.  I felt some sadness for the sweet young Cali Chica who had a bad parent.  A bad mother.

I felt a little, on the subway on the way to work, some tears welling up.  I saw a young boy 8-10 or so sitting with his mother, on the way to school.  She was reading out loud to him, and he was looking at her – not the book.  It reminded me that this boy, would rather/naturally look at his mother and not the book.  It is innate perhaps.  She is his world – she is his everything. He values her every word and opinion.  She is it.

My feeling of discomfort hardly more than a few seconds, of course subway stopping  – my going off to work – but I noted it.  To myself and here. That I felt SOMETHING and this was triggered by my mother.  It was triggered, and I responded with some emotion.  cause and effect. it felt good for this sequence to occur.

unlike this boy on the subway, when my mom “read to me” she was just reading to herself.  it was always to herself.  and now at the age of 33, she wants to reach out to my friend and ask about my well being – at this age really mom, after all these years of nonsense – of not nonsense of nothing motherly – you care about nothing. but yourself