Dear Anita,

Sorry it’s been a while again. I have been exhausted. Physically from work and emotionally as usual from what life keeps throwing at me. Sorry to hear about the no contact with your mom. I know you have shared that with me before but it still saddens me that we have to go through this. That is your mom, she should love you unconditionally.

I hope all is well with you.

I have been for the most part down lately. Living with my aunt has been hitting the fan lately. She is so passive aggressive and manipulative. It is sad to see this part of her. I feel like life keeps showing me who people really are. But what is the point of showing everyone I once trusted is cruel? And it most likely isn’t even their fault, someone was probably cruel to them. I have so much compassion for these people but at the same time I am trying to be at peace. Things got really bad about a week ago and I felt so shamed by my aunt. I feel as if she was talking behind my back and nothing I did was good enough. I went through a 3 day depression that was debilitating. I do not know if it had to do with her but based off of my learnings it could have been. So I started feeling better and last night I actually went and looked at room for rent in a house full of 4 women. It is in a great area, it is going to cost me 250 more dollars, and it is only a room! Here at my aunt’s I have a fully furnished basement apartment for 250 less but feel like my peace is more important. This is usually where I get stuck. I start of thinking of reason why I should stay when I see the red flags. I am confused on what to do.

Sometimes I feel my boundaries have been so harsh, and maybe I am exaggerating them? But I am not sure because I really have only been doing what is best for me and what feels right for me. I do feel selfish sometimes. But at the same time I feel like people are so mean and cruel. Everywhere I go. I seem to be getting the same passive aggressive response. Could this be normal? I am so sick of the passive aggression. I feel like the more happy I am the more someone wants to bring me down. I quit my part time at Ross because the people were getting to me. The moral was bringing me down. It is so hard because I feel like everywhere I go isn’t working out and it’s hard not to feel like the problem. I am no perfect but I am kind and have just been doing me lately. I am confident and loving lately and I feel like no one supports it. I am afraid to leave my aunts to this shared house for many reasons, it’s more expensive, I will be with 4 women and what if they start with the passive aggression. I don’t want to make another mistake. I am just not sure if I want to live alone yet and I still am not sure where I want to live so I don’t want to rent alone and sign a lease.