Thanks Anita, I am comfortable writing in whenever. I myself would just like to write more but life happens.

So let me start by saying I love my aunt she was a huge support to me when I first came back to Illinois and especially when my mother passed. I knew moving in with her would bring challenges but never thought it would be like this. So I noticed the passive aggression in the first month, I noticed the controlling behavior and I noticed her anger when I didn’t do what she thought I should be doing. So I should have left when I seen these red flags. I am trying to figure out why I think I should keep myself in places where I am not comfortable. Sorry I get off topic and vent. The most passive aggressive behavior recently, which caused me to leave for 3 days and I felt great about that was the way she was making these indirect comments about me going to see my aunt who is in a comatose state right now. So since my moms passing her sister got really sick, had a brain hemorrhage and has been unconscious since February. It is horrible for my family right now. Since she was at home sick I have been helping to care for her, since being comatose I have been at the hospital about twice weekly. There was hope at one point but as of lately I haven’t been able to handle the emotions of being there. So I took a break. She started making me feel really bad about this. It is hard to say how she does it, it is never a direct comment with her she just makes these indirect comments aiming to make me feel bad for not going. Well I stood my ground and didn’t go for 2 weeks. I was working two jobs, dealing with her and starting to get really emotional with mothers day coming up and do you think she or my family supports it? No they just want you doing what they want it feels like. Sometimes I feel some of this behavior is not as bad as I make it sound but since the trauma I have recently endured I cannot take it. There are so many different things she does. This is not the only thing. She was talking behind my back about this to family members and I started to isolate because she was making me feel so shameful and then I realized no, I am not going to let her isolate me from my family so I reached out and took my grandma out and also helped her re decorate her bathroom, I went to lunch with my other aunt twice in a row, and reached out to my aunt’s husband who is comatose and let him know I was ready to go see my aunt again and that I had to take a break. I feel much better but as depressed as I was I was ready to isolate myself from family. Thank God I didn’t. Since doing these things the aunt I live with has totally withdrawn from me. She has been dodging me at home and last night she came home and didn’t even yell Hi to me downstairs like she always does. I truly believe she is jealous of anything I do or anyone does for that matter. For years she has downed her son and made him look like a terrible person, and he has done some really crappy things to her, but now I am starting to see how she has played a roll. She has isolated him from family by bad mouthing him to everyone who will listen, making herself look like the victim. I will not let her do that to me. I am a good person and will never do as she wants me to but I do what I feel is right. I have been buying dressed and shoes for spring, the next days she posts her new shoes by the door. The same exact amount I bought. It is like instead of being happy for anything I do she is in competition and makes me feel bad about myself. I am on a loving me trip and I have been doing things for myself because it keeps me out of depression, I don’t do it to show her anything. There have been times I come home so happy and she will say something completely down and sad to get me out of my happy state.  She has a big yard and loves planting and gardening. I let her know from day 1 that I am not into it but would pay half for any maintenance just like I did with winter and snow which she had a problem with. She doesn’t want to pay for maintenance and has been doing it herself. So I have helped as much as I seen fit. I understand she is a 60 year old woman but I will not be manipulated into helping. If she would simply ask me, Can you help me in the yard this weekend? I would say yes. But with my own limits. Instead she leaves gloves and yard tools by the door as a hint. I just totally ignore it, is this wrong? She has told people I am lazy because I don’t do it. She has insinuated I am lazy, and will say passive aggressive things like ” oh I am sure you can use a break today”. I feel bad for her. I realize people who do these things are severely unhappy and it hurts me but I don’t take on the responsibility any more of trying to make these type of people happy. And that is the hardest thing for me. I always felt I needed to save people but I realize some people do not want to be saved. I have tried to give her advice, told her to live her life because all she does is work and come home and judge everyone elses life. Especially her son’s life, she talks every day with his dad and they thrive off of judging everything him and his woman do and what they don’t do. It is so unhealthy. I really thought my aunt was trying to support me but I really think she thought me coming here was going to have someone to control and do anything she wanted, I think she thought I would be home with her everyday, I think she thought she was going to have like a kid again. But instead I am hardly home, very independent and work two jobs, and will not do what she wants. Sometimes I feel rude because I live in her home but I do my share. I keep all of my quarters clean, no I do not clean her house and I think she feels I should help.  Same with the yard, I had my father come and completely set up all the big yard furniture. Nothing is enough for this woman! I feel better because if I was in better spirits I probably would help more since she is elder but I am healing, sometimes I do not feel like getting out of bed. I hardly have the energy to clean my basement area sometimes. I am still hurting. I have been working two jobs. Am I wrong? Be honest with me. I am so unsure sometimes.

Oh and I forgot to mention how she came home 3 different times in the last month and caught me crying and came by me and literally acted as if she care and then asks me if I lost my job? Of all things. I think she wants me to lose my job because she hates that I work from home. She bangs anything she can in the morning to make sure I am up as early as her.

All in all this may sound like dumb things but they are very hurtful to me right now, since I thought she asked me to come here knowing I was in the process of getting my life together and out of support but just like the rest of the world I feel she asked me here for her own needs.