Hi guys!

Just had a question regarding an experience I had last night.

As I was scrolling through Instagram, I was watching a friend’s instastory of a few friends hanging out (after doing a bible study). I wasn’t able to make it tonight due to going to my psychotherapist. I didn’t feel bad about missing out on it as I would try to get to the next one. 

I noticed that during the video, a particular person was in the background, and I got so annoyed! I was asking myself “uhhh why is he there? Wish he would just go away”. I was able to  that I had an emotional reaction and after a few minutes, it went away. It was quite intense feeling. 

So for context, myself and this person haven’t spoken properly in months. He would have been someone who I would have called one of my best friends last year. I went to psychotherapy last September as a result of the lost of friendship and its impact on me. We recognized in counseling that I was taking 100% responsibility for the end of it and that I had to give some over to him. I sent an email to him last summer a month after we met up and explained my side of the story and he just disagreed with it (it is what it is). I’ve been feeling 150% better in myself and even grateful for the situation to learn and grow myself from it from last summer to now. He said some things last year that was quite personal and unnecessary from the situations that happened last year and I feel my gut has been saying “nah, don’t try to be close with him again”. Throughout the year, I wasn’t really comfortable talking to him, as it felt the situation overall was just pushed under the rug. The few times we talked, it was just jokes and I always left feeling “I really wished I didn’t engage in that” (this is just feeling like I’m there for a laugh and chuckle and not as a friend, or the way we were before I guess). 

I rather not have this reaction to him, even on someone’s instastory or in person. I am aware I need to do some inner work myself so I’m just wondering if others had been through something similar, and how to work through it yourself. I plan to bring it up next week at counseling but I would be interested in hearing other examples to start the process or additional things to help. We attend church together with a college group and every two weeks, we may see each other (not in the summer). I was praying for restoration of the friendship when I blamed myself for everything, but since going into counselling I don’t really think I want to have much/any contact with him anymore.