Hi there,

Open to any advice! My wife and I have been more or less happily married for a year and together for two. The last six months have been tough and we have off and on argued, to the point where now she doesn’t care, doesn’t cry, and we both agreed to take a week break and discuss.

At the time she said this wasn’t the end. But when we met to discuss, she just told me she couldn’t do it anymore, she loved me and I was the most important person in her life, but she didn’t feel like it was enough anymore. She said that the week away she was actually happy and felt free to do her freelance work until whenever she pleased and not worry about telling me where she was going…

Confusingly, she said she didn’t want to divorce…yet, and just wanted to separate as she didn’t want to rush her decision. She said she still wants to be friends and live together for the time being.

I left to get some space on this, and give her some space as she was going to stay at her friends for a few days more for things to cool off, and when I return her ring is right there, in the middle of the bedside table. We had literally discussed this hours earlier and agreed at this point, that wasn’t what we were going to do. And why not put it somewhere hidden or taken it with her but put in a box, pocket or anything!! I asked her about this and she said she didn’t mean to hurt me…yeah, right!

The context: Recently, I had depression and was pretty much just miserable about everything, which stemmed from me feeling a bit stuck in my career. This put a bit of strain on us.

My wife’s career had recently just taken off, and now she is working essentially two jobs, so is constantly busy and stressed. At the same time, I selfishly have been pestering her to spend more time with me, been a bit needy (I mean I have been diagnosed with depression) and this has led to the tension in our marriage.

I don’t know whether this is really worth pursuing or even what to do or make of this. I can’t understand her right now. At this point it seems pretty done!

I feel it is a little unfair to make a decision on her own after one week without having an opportunity to even try and work on ourselves first, and then our marriage.

She moved back in last night, I was out for dinner and came back a little later. She has barely said anything to me, and not really been civil. It’s pretty awkward. Before that she had started texting me one liners reaching out for general chat (being friends), but it was still pretty weird. Sometimes she seems happy to talk to me, other times I feel ignored…

This is too much for me at the moment so I have booked flights to see my father and stay with him for a week or two. I think we could both do with the extra space and I haven’t seen my dad in some time. I told her this when she said she was going back to move back in for a few days, and she was shocked. And then asking me loads of questions about it. Why does she care? Guess handy for living arrangements.

When I come back, all I’m going to want to do is try to reconcile – not all in, but maybe try to rekindle the friendship as a start and try to get back on the same level. I still love the girl massively, and I know she loves me too, but she says all she can see is the bad times. I think I may have pushed her away for good. She probably won’t even be here.

Is there anything I can do here to help? I know I can’t change her mind, but I can work on myself and hopefully this time will help heal my issues. I don’t know whether I should cut her off for this time and disconnect or whether that’ll give the wrong impression…whether I should even bother making an effort when I get back…

Help please!