Dear Tannhauser:

When I noticed yesterday that you replied following my post to you, before I read your reply, I felt tense, afraid your reply will  be somewhat aggressive. I then lost the internet and when I got it back, scrolling down to your thread, I felt a surprising calm. The calm was following the thought that regardless of the nature of your reply, I knew that there was absolutely nothing but sincerity in my post to you, true empathy, or .. a meeting of the hearts, on my end.

Using your words yesterday (regarding religion), there was no dissonance or judgmental nature, or dichotomies in my feelings and words in my last post to you.

The lyrics Bad Dream by Keane made me see you as a lonely man, just like I have been for decades, life did feel like a bad dream to me too, and there was no one by my side either. I still feel that despair, part of many days, although my quality of emotional life is much improved from what it was.

“My life reads like a train wreck don’t it?”- not that you were or are the train rushing into a crash- you were on the tracks through no fault of your own and then hit by a train repeatedly-  the medical hits, being on dialysis for five whole years and then going through a kidney transplant are two of such hits.

You are not “second class” because you are on benefits, if I may say so. You were hit by a train, nothing you did to make that happen. Of course you need some help, and way more than you are getting.

I wish you had a fully functioning body, kidneys, hormones, bones, all functional and well. But these dysfunctions don’t make you less than.

anita