Dear Nardis,

Thank you for sharing. My family is quite troubled and I avoid them, because nothing other than drama comes from our interactions. They purposefully do things that harm my mother and affect me as a result, and are not supportive, so I feel absolutely no desire to see them. In my case, it’s easier to avoid socializing—they are in a different country, so I simply stopped visiting six years ago. Your case is a little bit different, but I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about family obligations and expectations. My thoughts are: you should not feel guilty. My friends and spouse’s family are much kinder and supportive than my family, and I have a better connection with them, and consider them more my “family” than actual family members. That being the case, I don’t think you should let social expectations define how you “should” feel about others. If there is no connection, there is no connection, and I don’t think that should be a big deal.

That said, I do want to address doing things that we don’t like sometimes. If you don’t feel like it, I don’t think you should waste your time doing something that you don’t enjoy, but please make sure that you aren’t inflexible (since they don’t seem to be bad people). If it makes your father happy when you go, and it might make things easier between both of you since you share the same house, or if it’s something that maybe could be enjoyable if you approach it with the right mind, I would encourage you to be open to it. If you don’t feel the inclination to do these things, or really believe the is no connection, that’s totally fine. But what I’m trying to say is: make sure you are not stuck with a certain idea and unwilling to change. I’m not saying this is the case, I just wanted to point that out.

Good luck!