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Hi Kylin,
Do your parents have some specific reason why you have to support them? Are they not able to support themselves financially? Do you operate as a carer for them?
It is always a mistake to compare yourself to other people. I know you have explained that you need “a job” but if you really can’t make a mistake because it will have dire consequences, then perhaps you are in the wrong job. It sounds as if you are over-burdening yourself by taking on board how the company, the boss and your colleagues will be impacted. Are there any meetings held where you can raise your concerns or is there anyone in command that you can speak to when you have to make decisions. Does your company have a “duty of care” towards you.
What does failure mean to you? Why are you pushing yourself so hard? Where did this come from and when did it start? Do you think it’s related to the bullying you suffered in high school?
If you don’t want to see a psychiatrist for fear of it being on your health record, would you consider undergoing some sort of bodywork from time to time such as having an aromatherapy massage?
Peggy