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This topic contains 36 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  Kylin 34 minutes ago.

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  • #305643

    Kylin
    Participant

    Hi, to anyone reading this forum post, thank you for your time.

    I always had a problem with minding my speech. I always make a lot of jokes and its almost always on hindsight that I realise that I have said something very unkind or mean.

    First incident: So a few weeks/months back, I met someone I used to know. We began catching up and my current profession came up. So the thing is, my work is rather emotionally heavy and solemn. My work is something serious, and is not at all funny to people affected. However, when on a personal level, when I try to explain what I do for my work, I tend to make jokes, which is not hurtful towards the person I speak to, but can be considered very mean and unkind towards the people affected by my work. Professionally, I actually take my work seriously and I sympathise with the people who are affected. The problem is, I just keep joking and I really just dont mean any harm but I always regret saying these things.

    Its been a few weeks since then, possibly over a month or months ago, but I get panic attacks. What if the people I spoke with told what I said to them and I was reported to my company to have said such things? What if it was blown out of proportion? Ever since I realise how unkind that joke was, I never repeated it again. But that one time was enough to still make me scared today. What if because of 1 slip, I screw up my entire life? The problem is, I am really not that close to the people I was catching with, and we don’t keep in contact. We don’t have each other’s contact actually. So I cannot just bring up the incident.

    Second Incident: I was just teasing some friends about buying me chocolates at a supermarket. So my friend jokingly just replied saying they dont have the money to buy me the chocolates. I replied jokingly, to “steal” or “take” (honestly, I dont remember the exact word I used even) them and I will help keep a lookout and distract others. Now, I meant this joke as somewhat like in the cartoons, where the children were trying to hide something they have done incorrectly and 1 child distracts the mom while the other does whatever they need to do. The problem is, obviously joking about “stealing” is very inappropriate. I would never steal the chocolate or anything. But again, it was in public and I am so worried that people overhear and see my company tag and report this incident to them. Again, what would I do if it was blown out of proportion? I didn’t say it to offend anyone and we are all adults. At that moment we were all joking about our elementary school moments, hence the jokes and manner of speaking were mimicking those of the past. I genuinely did not mean anything more than a joke.

    I have been struggling so much with this fear of saying the wrong things. Things became worse ever since I started work because I am so scared of affecting my company’s image. I struggle so hard because my nature is to joke about things – serious or not. But yet, because of my company, I am so scared that things get blown out of proportion. Even a mistake I made a few weeks ago/possibly months ago, can make me breakdown and cry when I am alone. I wake up with 4 hours of sleep frequently and the first thought that comes into my mind is about work.

    I invest a lot of time and effort into my work. Professionally, I really take my work seriously. But my personality is to just joke about things, because I hate conflict and like to make the atmosphere lighter. Honestly, I make more jokes about myself. I often just share embarrassing things I have done, but there are times when I joke very inappropriately and I am just so scared. I feel like I am treading on eggshells every time I mention anything about my work or every time I may something on me that links to my company. I am just so terrified all the time.

    I wish I would not say anything wrong. I am just so exhausted of myself.

    #305653

    Peggy
    Participant

    Hi Kylin,

    It is unlikely that you are going to screw up your whole life because you make an inappropriate comment.  Your company will know that you take your work seriously and that you put the effort in.  It sounds as if your work may be taking its toll on you and that you need some help in dealing with the effect that this may be having on you.  Does your company offer counselling to help deal with any issues that come up with personnel through work.  If so, perhaps you could take advantage of it.

    Humor is a good way of combating stress.  It would be pretty mean if someone were to report you to your company for something that they overheard you saying.  You can’t change anything that you have said in the past so why are you beating yourself up like this.  If you haven’t actually stolen anything, you haven’t done anything wrong.  In the context that you describe, you were just being ‘silly’.

    You are being really hard on yourself and you probably need to look a bit deeper as to why you are crying, not sleeping properly, overly concerned about work and having panic attacks.  This is all stress related.  You need to find ways of dealing with this such as taking regular breaks, deep breathing exercises, relaxation techniques and so on.

    It sounds as if you are doing a very valuable job and it is OK to speak out about the importance of your work and what it means to you.  Your enthusiasm will be what people remember and that will reflect positively on yourself and your employer.

    I hope this helps.

    Peggy

    #305687

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Kylin:

    Having just read your April 2016 thread, I have a better understanding of your current thread original post. April 2016 you were an undergraduate struggling with anxiety and panic attacks, fearing that you will fail your exams. You wrote then: “I am absolutely terrified and stressed all the time… the fear of failure has not changed even with the fact that I am actually doing relatively well academically. The fear is crippling, and I find myself crying at random times of the day… I get severe panic attacks.. very frequently”. You wrote that you “have undergone counseling” and that you “exercise regularly, eat healthily.. practice yoga and .. write journals”.

    Fast forward three years and three months, I suppose you did well in your exams, graduated and are employed. You no longer fear failing exams, but you fear saying things that will get you in trouble with the company you work for, maybe get you fired. “I feel like I am treading on eggshells every time I mention anything about work… I am just so terrified all the time”.

    My input:

    1. Don’t talk about work while you are not working unless it is necessary. You don’t talk about work= you have nothing to worry regarding what you (didn’t) say.

    2. Stop making jokes. Now, this is a terrible advice if taken in isolation, as humor is healthy. But because you overthink and are suffering from long term anxiety, and joking ends badly for you (“I always make a lot of jokes and it’s almost always on hindsight that I realise that I have said something very unkind or mean”)- don’t joke.

    For humor, listen or visit perhaps a comedy show or movie.

    3. Attend psychotherapy/ counseling. What you did attend in the past is not enough. Continue to eat healthily, exercise, do yoga etc., but you need to do more, and that would be in quality counseling.

    In your previous thread you wrote that your anxiety started in high school, not before, and that it was due to bulling there. You wrote that you didn’t share your troubles with your parents because you didn’t want to burden them and you didn’t want to disappoint them. Perhaps there is more to look at in regard to your relationships with your parents, looking into why you have been so afraid to disappoint and burden them. What burden do they already have that you don’t want to add to?

    anita

     

    #305807

    Kylin
    Participant

    Dear @anita and @peggy,

    thank you for your replies, it really means alot to me that people will care enough to read and spend time crafting a reply.

    if i could go for further counselling or formal psychiatry consultations i would. ever since college, when i kept catastrophizing everything, i wondered, do i have a mental health issue? yet the reasons why i could never visit a psychiatrist are firstly – it is too expensive, and secondly, because of the stigma that surrounds mental health. financially, i am not in a position to jeopardise my job. i need the money to make ends meet and also to support my parents. i simply am too afraid of adding something on my health record. what would i do if i lost my job?

    i worked excessively even in college, when 3 years ago i shared my issue on the forum. it was out of desperation, and it remains the same today. i do not have a support system, with my parents telling me its all in my mind. it didnt help when i cried after my exams and was convinced that i was going to fail – only to score an A. i suppose to outsiders, it seems like i was the annoying student who would always complain about failing only to ace the tests. in reality, the fear is only too real. for example, i could redo each past year papers 3 times. i.e, 10 past year papers x3 and i would practise 30 times. just for a single module for a single semester. excluding all other prep work like tutorials (which i would also redo) and notes writing (i will also rewrite them most times). behind the pretty list of As, lies an insane amount of fear, which i once told my coursemate when he commented that i was “naturally smart”. he told me i was insane.

    i survived the anxiety attacks in college, but the workforce is a near impossible. back when i was a student, it feel comforting that even if i did screw up, only i would be affected. at work, my performance affects my colleagues, my boss, my company. my work while i admit is high impact, although my pay isnt as high as others might think, requires me to pretty much not make any mistakes. the reason is because the work is high impact and decisions have a serious impact. it doesnt help that sheer effort or hardwork hardly helps, since i couldnt afford to be wrong and there isnt trial and error per se. unlike in school, doing 30 times of past year papers helps. it has come to a point where i am so terrified of making mistakes, saying the wrong things. i even penned a suicide letter, wrote in anonymously to a suicide prevention penpal service, in my attempts to resolve my anxiety, my fears. i penned in journals, on my blog, meditated, exercised, watch talks on mindfulness etc. even when i am acutely aware that i am faring very badly on the mental scale, and am genuinely trying to change it, like writing on this forum again, after 3 years, out of desperation, i still cannot get rid of my fears.

    and through all these, i wonder, am i useless at work? i do not see my colleagues struggling as much as i do. so i am the useless one, who is incapable of doing work well?

    i am exhausted, i really am, and i honestly have no one to speak with who would understand in real life what i currently going through. i am still hanging on to my work, being jobless isnt an option. but i just feel so lost.

    #305821

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Kylin:

    You are suffering from anxiety and you are one of many millions of people suffering from anxiety. Anxiety is not a unique, strange “mental health issue”. Personally, I do not know of a single person who is free from anxiety. Anxiety is always unpleasant and your particular anxiety is exhausting you and makes your life miserable. But something can be done about it, lessen it, make your life better.

    You wrote that seeing a professional is not an option because you may lose your job as a result. Does that include seeing a psychotherapist/ counselor, one who does not prescribe drugs? Is seeing a counselor not a confidential thing, just between you and the counselor?

    One more question: you wrote, “I need the money to.. support my parentsI do not have a support system, with my parents telling me it’s all in my head”-

    Do you think it is fair that you support your parents but they do not support you?

    anita

    #305937

    Peggy
    Participant

    Hi Kylin,

    Do your parents have some specific reason why you have to support them?  Are they not able to support themselves financially?  Do you operate as a carer for them?

    It is always a mistake to compare yourself to other people.  I know you have explained that you need “a job” but if you really can’t make a mistake because it will have dire consequences, then perhaps you are in the wrong job.  It sounds as if you are over-burdening yourself by taking on board how the company, the boss and your colleagues will be impacted.  Are there any meetings held where you can raise your concerns or is there anyone in command that you can speak to when you have to make decisions.  Does your company have a “duty of care” towards you.

    What does failure mean to you?  Why are you pushing yourself so hard?  Where did this come from and when did it start?  Do you think it’s related to the bullying you suffered in high school?

    If you don’t want to see a psychiatrist for fear of it being on your health record, would you consider undergoing some sort of bodywork from time to time such as having an aromatherapy massage?

    Peggy

     

     

    #306057

    Kylin
    Participant

    Dear @anita and @peggy,

    my parents have mostly retired, and by support i would mean providing them with a monthly allowance, to allow them to retire happy and to do the things they want.

    they come from a time when they had to work extremely hard, physically and when life was hard. to them, mental illness, or any emotional issues aren’t detrimental. to them, i have had a good life. i live in a safe environment, i get food and dressed well, i go to college, etc. they cannot relate to mental health matters. unfortunately, they think its all in the mind, and can be controlled but in reality, it is not so. hence, i was unable to voice out to them how i really feel. i havent had friends who could likewise relate to mental health issues. where i live today, it remains very much so a stigma. hence i could only turn to other ways to work on my anxiety and fear of failure. reading about it, exercise, meditation, journaling, watching inspirational videos, i also actually tried aromatherapy body massages… i even used an anxiety relieving mouth spray everytime i had an exam.

    counselling was possible in college because it was free. as an adult, a single session usually costs over 100bucks. to people around me, i am a smiling simple person who gets overly scared of work mistakes. a timid person. but i dont think people realise that it wasnt just being timid. i actually huddled in toilet cubicles crying. i went to the emergency staircase to cry. i cried at my desk when its late and no one was around. i didnt want anyone to see me cry. my room door at home remains closed all the time. i felt safer. i felt like i could at the least, cry and let out a fraction of my anxiety. some people tell me, i overthink, sometimes i do realise it, but realising it alone doesnt stop the worrying. the fear. i can only describe the fear as the anxiety before an exam you were unprepared for, except every day, every few hours. its emotionally draining.

    what is failure to me? having done something wrong, a mistake at work. given the impact of my work, every mistake is scrutinised. “who made that mistake?” is the question asked. i fear not only sabotaging myself, but also the company. studying was easier, only i suffer after i screw up. i am not sure if it was from my bullying in high school. it was a sports competition, when i had to participate in an event i did not prepare for, as my partner had fallen ill on the day. my teacher had instructed me to participate, as an individual, but as i did not practise for the individual event, i messed up and some people took photos and they were available on social media. i felt useless and embarrassed since then, and i never had instagram because i hated having my photos taken ever since. there were also juniors i overheard asking why i was so weak. i am not sure if these events made me into someone afraid of being laughed at, but i am definitely afraid of that. i was also afraid that i wasnt good enough.

    such a fear only came about when i was in college however. it amplified after i entered the workforce. i still keep an acceptable exterior, it probably seems to people i am a timid scaredy cat afraid of mistakes. thankfully, i can still hold on to a job, but deep down, i am struggling to not cry, to not runaway and escape.

     

    #306065

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Kylin:

    ‘they come from a time when they had to work extremely hard, physically… to them,  mental illness, or any emotional issues aren’t detrimental. to them, I have had a good life… I get food and dressed well, I go to college.. they think it’s all in the mind”- it is convenient for your parents to think this way because they don’t have to deal with what is difficult to deal with: their daughter’s emotional life. So instead, they view you as if .. as if you were a turtle that needs food and that shell over it’s soft body. But you are an emotional, feeling and thinking living thing, you need more than food and clothing.

    You don’t work as physically hard as your parents did, but your life is probably more difficult, living with anxiety and no emotional support.

    It just so happens that I typed a poem to another member, a poem that was given to me by the wonderful psychotherapist I saw years ago, the one who started me on my healing path. Like you, I was very anxious, way more than I am now. This particular poem is about Mindfulness, which is a necessary practice for anxious people. Here it is. Let me know if you like it and if you would like me to share more from my therapy notes. I figure you don’t have access to therapy. Maybe some of my therapy notes (handouts and recordings given to me  by my therapist 2011-2013) may help you.

    Hokusai says (by Roger Keyes)

    Hokusai says Look carefully

    He says pay attention, notice.

    He says keep looking, stay curious.

    He says there is no end to seeing.

     

    He says Look Forward to getting old.

    He says keep changing,

    you  just get more who you really are.

    He says get stuck, accept it, repeat yourself

    as long as it’s interesting.

     

    He says keep doing what you love.

    He says keep praying.

    He says every one of us is a child,

    every one of us is ancient,

    every one of us has a body,

    He says every one of us is frightened.

    He says every one of us has to find a way to live with fear.

     

    He says everything is alive-

    shells, buildings, people, fish, mountains, trees,

    Wood is alive.

    Water is alive.

    Everything has its own life.

    Everything lives inside us.

    He says live with the world inside you.

     

    He says it doesn’t matter if you draw, or write books.

    It doesn’t matter if you saw wood, or catch fish.

    It doesn’t matter if you sit at home

    and stare at the ants on the verandah or the shadows of the trees

    and grasses in your garden.

     

    It matters that you care.

    It matters that you feel.

    It matters that you notice.

    It matters that life lives through you.

     

    Contentment is life living through you.

    Joy is life living through you.

    Satisfaction and strength

    are life living through you.

    peace is life living through you.

     

    He says don’t be afraid.

    Don’t be afraid.

    Look, feel, let life take you by the hand.

    Let life live through you.

    #306355

    Peggy
    Participant

    Hi Kylin,

    Social media has a lot to answer for.  Some people can just shrug things off and other people take them to heart.  We are all capable of  being embarrassed by something that happened in the past.  You cannot change what happened, you can just chose to see it differently.  Because you hadn’t practised, you weren’t as good as you might have been.  Had you practised, you might very well have done much better or even won the event.  There is no need to feel useless because of this one thing.  Most of us were useless at reading before we were 5.  After 5 years of practice, most of us got quite good/skilled at reading.  Replace your embarrassment with compassion both for yourself and for those who took the images.  With hindsight, they may very well be embarrassed at the way they behaved.

    In Reiki Healing, mental and emotional issues are both covered by the same symbol.  In part, this is because how we think affects how we feel.  This works in reverse as well.  One does not exist without the other.  Sometimes, just placing one hand on your solar plexus and one hand on your forehead can calm you down (breathing deeply into the hand on your solar plexus).  Perhaps you could try that for a few minutes at a time whilst you are taking breaks etc.

    Making mistakes is not the same as failing.  Making mistakes gives you the opportunity to learn.  The most you can ever do is your best.

    I am sorry that you are feeling so sad and fearful.  What you need are mega doses of peace, love and joy, the very things that you have been wanting to give your parents in their retirement.

    Peggy

     

     

    #307753

    Kylin
    Participant

    Dear @anita and @peggy

    Thank you all for your suggestions. “every one of us has to find a way to live with fear” – i think this sentence resonated really strongly with what I am trying to work on for so long. thank you for retrieving such a beautiful poem, and i think it would be good for me to read more of such poems, they have made me feel a little more comforted, as if someone turned my feelings into words, and to know that i am not alone is truly comforting.

    reiki healing is definitely something i have yet to try, i will try to incorporate it into my life in particular to when i am feeling overwhelmed or when i am catastrophizing.

    i am truly thankful for this supportive forum..

    #307769

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Kylin:

    You are welcome. It is amazing that the very sentence that resonated really strongly with you is the same sentence that meant to me the most: “every one of us has to find a way to live with fear”.

    It just so happens I have time this morning to look for more stuff from my big folder of my 2011 therapy, things my therapist gave me, hoping it will help you too. And so, in the next couple of hours or so I will post again, bits and pieces from my folder. At any time you want, let me know what resonated with you and what you think of my posts.

    anita

    #307771

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Kylin:

    My therapist gave me homework following each therapy session, something to do before the next session. Almost always the homework included listening to this or that guided meditation by Mark Williams. The theme of these guided meditations is Mindfulness. I think it will work as well for you as it did for me, download it online if you want to try it.

    Here is a quote from one of those meditations, called “Meditation 4: Breath and Body”: “The deep stillness we seek does not arise because the world is still or the mind is quiet. Stillness is nourished when we allow things to be just as they are for now. In this moment, moment by moment, breath by breath”.

    Meditation 5: Sounds and Thoughts” is excellent as well. Here is a part of it, toward the end: “If at any time your mind gets repeatedly drawn into the story created by your thinking, remembering that it is always possible to come back to the breath, and a sense of the body as a whole, sitting and breathing, as an anchor… remembering that wherever you are, whatever your experience, whenever you find your mind scattered and dispersed by the events of your day; the breath is always available to nourish you, and help bring you back into the present moment, to a sense of stillness and peace”.

    Meditation 7: Befriending … “when you are ready, bringing kindness and friendship to yourself by silently saying to yourself: May I be safe and free from suffering. May I be as happy and healthy as it is possible for me to be. May I have ease of being.”

    anita

    • This reply was modified 6 days, 7 hours ago by  anita.
    #307787

    anita
    Participant

    Dear kylin:

    Principles of Buddhism are used a whole lot in current, modern psychotherapy. The principle behind Mindfulness is a Buddhist principle. I am not a Buddhist-I don’t believe in Karma and incarnation but I believe in its principles that are used in therapy. This is a summary I made in 2011 of these principles, sometimes paraphrasing what I read. The term “Being” means Life, or nature. The term “mind” means overthinking and the negative feelings involved in overthinking. “monkey mind” means an overthinking mind, over active, like a monkey in a cage.

    “Being is the eternal, ever present, indestructible, invisible one life deep in & beyond all the many forms of life… my own deepest self, my permanent nature… I can know it only when my mind.. is still; when I am present, my attention fully in my body and in the Now.

    Being can be felt but it cannot be cognitively understood.

    The greatest obstacle to experiencing this Being is identification with my..  monkey mind. Not being able to stop thinking is a dreadful affliction, but we don’t realize it because almost everybody is suffering from it, so it is considered normal. The incessant mental noise prevents me from finding that place of inner stillness and therefore, from accessing Being. This mental noise causes fear and suffering..

    The compulsive thinker lives in a state of separateness from Being… Identification with my mind separates me from myself, from others, from nature, from Being… The mind is a superb instrument if used rightly. Used wrongly, it becomes very destructive. It is to one’s detriment when the instrument, unsupervised, takes over the person it is meant to serve and (instead) does the person a great disservice day after day.

    The moment I watch my thinking, a higher level of mind/ consciousness becomes activated… The mind, without awareness, interprets the present in terms of the past. It often imagines things going wrong…

    Listen to the voice in your head as a witnessing presence: There is the voice and here I am listening to it. When you listen to a thought, you are aware not only of the thought but also to yourself as the witness of the thought… Once consciously witnessed, the thought loses its power over you, because you are no longer energizing the mind through the activation of the emotions closely following the thought. This is the beginning of the end of involuntary and compulsive thinking…

    With practice, a sense of stillness and peace will deepen… You will also feel a subtle emanation of joy arising from deep within: the joy of Being.

    .. The mind is an instrument, a tool. About 80%-90% of most people’s minds’ thinking is repetitive, useless, dysfunctional, often negative and therefore harmful. It causes a serious leakage of vital energy.

    Enlightenment means you still use your practical thinking mind when needed, mostly for practical purposes, but in a much more focused and effective way than before. You are then free from the involuntary internal dialogue, and there is inner stillness. This is a higher level of evolution.

    As you observe the thoughts in your mind, observe the feelings in your body. You can allow the emotion to be without being controlled by it. You are no longer only your emotion; you are the watcher, the observing presence. Make it a habit to ask yourself: what is going on inside me at this moment? Don’t analyze, just watch…

    Often a vicious cycle builds between your thinking and the emotions that are energized by your thinking: they feed each other.. your thoughts energize the emotion, which in turn energizes the thought pattern and so on.

    One of the main tasks of the mind is to fight or remove emotional pain.. but it fails. The hardest the mind struggles to get rid o the pain, the greater the pain. The mind can never find the solution because it is itself an intrinsic part of the problem.. All cravings are the mind seeking salvation/ fulfillment in the external things. As long as I am my mind, I am those cravings.

    True joy, love or deep inner peace.. are aspects of Being which has been often obscured by the mind, but not lost or destroyed. When the sky is heavily overcast, the sun hasn’t disappeared. It’s still there on the other side of the clouds.

    Much of human pain is unnecessary. It is self created when the mind runs your life. The mind perceives the timeless Now as threatening. It therefore tries to deny or escape it… The more you are able to accept the Now, the more you are free of pain, of suffering… make the Now the primary focus of your life… Observe how the mind labels the present moment, how it judges it, creating pain and unhappiness…

    Make your present moment your friend, not your enemy. Always work with what is present, with whatever the present moment contains.. Accept the present, then act…

    The Pain-Body is your accumulated pain. It is a negative energy field that occupies your body and mind. It an be dormant of active. Anything can trigger the dormant pain-body: any thought, or an innocent remark made by another person. Watch out for any sign of unhappiness in yourself, in whatever form. It may be the awakening Pain-Body: irritation, impatience.. Catch it the moment it awakens from its dormant stage… Does it ‘take you over,’ becomes you.. Does it maintain itself? Is your thinking and behavior keeping the pain going on and on?”

    anita

    #307789

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Kylin:

    The rest of my notes, continued from above (the very next note is relevant to your worries!): “the anxiety about something that might happen in the future ..You can cope with the present moment, but you cannot cope with something that is only a mind projection- you can not cope with the future.

    The..  mind .. is very vulnerable and insecure, and it sees itself as being constantly under threat. Therefore, it keeps sending the body ongoing messages of being in danger, energizing anxiety.. As long as the mind is running your life, you cannot be at ease; you cannot be at peace except for brief intervals when you obtain what you wanted, when a craving has been fulfilled…

    This compulsion (to live in the past and future, but not in the Now) arises because the past gives you an identity and the future promises salvation.. salvation is in the present, not in the future.

    My mind cannot know all of me. It knows only labels, judgments, facts and opinions about me. Only Being knows me and it knows me because it is the One Life in all its  forms.. Make it your practice to withdraw attention from past & future when not needed… Whenever you are able to observe your mind, you are no longer trapped in it… Identification with the mind gives it more energy; observation of the mind withdraws energy from it…

    If all your problems, real or perceived .. were miraculously removed from you today, but you had not become more present and conscious, you would soon find yourself with a similar set of problems or new problems…You may win $10 million, but it is a skin deep change. You would continue to act out the same conditioned patterns of thoughts & feelings in more luxurious surroundings.

    Narrow your life down to this moment. Allow everything to be, within and without… A life situation needs to either be dealt with or accepted. Decide to no longer create any more pain for yourself…. Should a problem arise in the future, your reactions in the future will be clear, intuitive & effective then, the more you habitually live in the Now presently…

    ‘Ordinary Unconsciousness’ is a state not of acute pain or unhappiness but of an almost continuous low level of unease, discontent, boredom, or nervousness.. a kind of background static. It is so much a part of ‘normal’ living. Many people use alcohol, drugs, sex, food, work, television, etc., to remove the basic unease. When this happens, an activity that might otherwise be very enjoyable, if used in moderation, becomes hijacked by a compulsive or addictive quality… Make it a habit to monitor your mental state through self observation: ‘Am I at ease at the moment? What kind of thoughts is my mind producing? What do I feel?’ Direct your attention into your body: ‘Is there any tension?..

    If you find your here and now intolerable, you have three options: remove yourself from the situation, change it, or accept it totally… If there something you ‘should’ be doing but are not doing? Get up and do it now or completely accept your inactivity at this moment.. Either way there is no conflict, no resistance, no negativity.

    Die to the past every moment. Refer to it when it is relevant.. If you tend to worry, ask yourself: what is wrong with this moment (the here and now moment)? You can cope with the Now, but you can not cope with the future…The only thing that is real about your journey is the step that you are taking at this moment. This is all there is.. Only the present can free you from the past.

    The illusion of self is that you are nothing more than your physical body and your mind. Great fear is the inevitable consequence of this illusion.. You are inseparably connected to this Being. One life…As long as you are in conscious contact with your body, you are like a tree that is deeply rooted in the earth.

    When paying attention to the body, you may feel a combination of sensations and emotions that are hard to label. What matters is not whether you can attach a label to it, but that you can bring the feeling into awareness as much as possible..

    Allow life to live through you. The alternatives are pain and suffering, a greatly restricted flow of life energy, and in many cases physical disease. … Pay attention to the silence in between sounds, in between words.. As you pay attention to the silence, the dimension of stillness grows within you: Silence without, stillness within.”

    anita

    #307867

    Peggy
    Participant

    Hi Kylin,

    Anita has written you some very intensive posts on Mindfulness and I agree entirely with living in the NOW and being aware that this is the only time we have.  Thank you, Anita, for sharing the wisdom of those words.  I have a very short poem which is easy to memorize:  Yesterday’s history, Tomorrow’s a mystery, Today is a gift, That’s why we call it The Present.

    With regard to Reiki, this is a very gentle form of healing which can have a profound effect.  It can effectively remove what Anita’s notes refer to as The Pain Body, areas that congest and stagnate the flow of energy.  It works on all levels, mind, body, spirit and emotions and can transcend time and space.  You might want to look at http://www.reiki.org and articles written by William Lee Rand in particular to gain a greater insight.

    I hope that’s helpful.

    Peggy

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