Hi Catherine,

His words “you haven’t been happy for a long time and I’ve tried and tried to make you happy”.  Your words “he didn’t understand that we were happy until he did what he did”.

You may have felt happy, Catherine, but if he was happy in himself, he wouldn’t have been sexting another woman.  You need to think this through a bit more carefully.  Also, no-one else can make you happy.  Basically, this has to come from the inside.

Women are generally very good at blaming themselves when things go wrong – I’m sure there are all sorts of different reasons why.  The good news is that you are aware of this guilt/blame trip that you have been on and that means that you can begin to make changes.

Are you to blame for his lies – NO.  Are you to blame for his infidelity – NO.  Are you to blame for him not saying goodbye to your daughter – NO.  Are you to blame for him walking out on his own son – NO.  Are you to blame for his sadness – NO.  Are you to blame for his need to flit from one woman to another – NO.

Your daughter was very close to him and now your ex has hurt/rejected her through his behavior.  As a mother, you are naturally protective towards your daughter which is why this is the one action that has put you off him more than all his other appalling behavior.

I hope you can come to terms with what has happened, draw strength from all the support you have received through your post, and move on to someone far more worthy of your love.

Peggy