Hi Clueless Carrot,

I think, in that case, it probably wasn’t a good idea to tell her you’ve thought about her every day, morning and night, because it does come off as a little unbelievable. If I were her, I would be thinking, “why did you not contact me right away then??”  I think, if you do end up clarifying things more with her, I would tell her what you told us here. That your friend brought her up and noticed your reaction to talking about her, asked if you still had strong feelings for her, and that’s when it hit you that you still really cared for her. Then, from that point on, you started thinking about her every day until you finally worked up the nerve to talk to her.  That’s basically what happened, right?  Saying it that way makes it sound more sincere just because she would be thinking “why leave like that in the first place???” if you’d been thinking that from the beginning. 3 years of trying to convince yourself you didn’t have feelings for her and then realizing you actually do makes sense though.  If you do want to work things out with her and if she’s also willing to forgive you, explain it that way and then give her some time. Answer any questions she has as honestly as you can (without being too grandeur about it, because grandeur like “I thought about you every minute of every day” isn’t really believable. It doesn’t sound sincere and sounds like something someone just says because they think that’s what will make the person want them back), and understand and respect that it is going to take some time to rebuild her trust that you won’t ghost her again. Be willing to do that work if she’s worth it to you.

Above all, definitely learn the lesson from this…. if you aren’t sure how someone feels about you, instead of running away for fear of rejection or whatever else you may have been feeling at that time, just ask. You could’ve saved both of you a lot of inner turmoil.