Dear Cali Chica:

It is about 1 pm your time. I imagine you are working with the difficult woman at this time, not having a chance to take a lunch break. I hope you are functioning well even though you woke up so early- but then, you have lots of practice functioning well in spite of tiredness and distress.

I had a few thoughts as I read your early am post but I will limit my reply to two:

1. “professional life has code and conduct”- you function very well professionally. Code-and-conduct work for you. Apply code and conduct in your personal life and it will work for you personally as well. Here is one code and conduct: when angry and expressing your anger, keep your voice low in volume, slow in pace and do pay attention to not repeating yourself.

2. You see your true nature as a “bubbly friendly person”. This may have been your true nature when you were very young, as it was mine, as it was many people’s, in the beginning. At this point, after communicating with you for so long, I do not see you primarily as a “bubbly friendly person”. I see it as a role you took  on in the context of your home life.

You feel comfortable in that role so it feels authentic. And part of you from long ago (that beginning I mentioned) is bubbly and friendly, but what a mix it  is- that long-ago innate part in all of us and a role.

A bubbly friendly person has the connotation of a happy go lucky person. We know how strong the Unlucky message has been in your life. You are not happy go lucky.

Your mother’s  message: “Be extremely open and outward, or be reserved and fake”- the first part is the role you took  on so to serve her, to help her, to get her approval and whatnot. You are not “extremely open and outward”- if you were, you would be content and joyful a whole lot of the time. Your role is about appearing extremely open and outward.

anita