Dear Gaia:

I don’t want to fit you in a box, not at all. Lots of people want that box for themselves and for others, and they find such boxes in mental diagnoses and labels (examples: he is a narcissist,  I am an introvert, she is a victim of sexual abuse). There is some comfort for many at first, when fitting a box, and if the box does fit, it can be helpful as a starting point of making better choices and healing, but many get too attached to the box and become prisoners in it.

Often it happens that a person reads about a particular box, and lots fits with the person’s experience.. but then something doesn’t fit and the person is confused: I.. almost fit into that box! Or you know you don’t fit into a particular box but then so much of what it says about people who do fit into that box is similar or the same as what you experience.

I learn about people based on what I refer to as “the building blocks”, that is, from the beginning, no boxes. I look at the basics= what is true to all human beings and often, to  all social animals.

One more thing: people are complex creatures, not two dimensional cartoon characters. For example: I was lonely a whole lot of my childhood, dominantly lonely and alone. And I was shy and on the outside of life. But not always. Sometimes, in the company of others, I burst with such liveliness, like a volcano, and I felt good being vocal and making jokes. Also, no one is bad all the time, every cruel person is sometimes kind to someone. And no introvert is always an introvert, no extrovert is always an extrovert, no person is always passive, no one is always any particular way.

I learned that because I was so miserable so much of the time, my brain took “breaks” from misery in the form of happy fantasy, joyful, exciting daydreaming. So no one is miserable all of the time either.

Your thoughts about what I wrote here?

anita