Dear Luke:

You wrote: “She always had plenty to say about my flaws”- always, you wrote. That means before she came out as a lesbian. So the relationship was not perfect and then she came out as a lesbian.

A relationship cannot be healthy and loving when one of the two people in the relationship always or often points to the other his or her flaws. When this is done, the person who is repeatedly criticized feels under attack, disapproved, hurt.

Is that how you felt when married to her: under attack, disapproved of, hurt and angry?

anita