Dear G:

I re-read your posts. I am putting together what you shared, your own words, but the sentences are not necessarily in the order you posted them. Regardless of the order, the integrity of what you shared is not interrupted in the following:

“I was diagnosed with a hyperactive and hypersensitive bowel with frequent spasms… my health condition expresses itself by me running to the bathroom a few times during the day. I have trouble sleeping, so I tend to sleep very late and rise early due to panic and fear. From there, I get upset and cry. Which triggers me to run to the bathroom  with nausea and eventual need to throw up.

Life feels so pointless. I have no desire to live anymore… feeling so weak and defeated…I lost myself.. I am broken and exhausted… I let my condition get the best of me.. I didn’t handle my situation well…. everyone believed I would accomplish great things…I should have been stronger and risen up to the challenge”.

My input this morning: other people before (“professors, peers, and mentors”) who believed that you would “accomplish great things” were correct. You can accomplish great things, only what those great things are has changed. Those great things used to be getting a high GPA in college, getting a high paying job and whatnot, but these are not the great things for you to accomplish at this time in your life. There are other great things for you to accomplish these very days and for the next few months.

Your only job, only goal for the remaining of this year, is to stay at home and run to the bathroom fewer times per day. Even better, walk to the bathroom fewer times per day instead of running. Also, sleep earlier and wake up later. And take a very short walk outside in a month or so, all by yourself. Another and most important great thing for you to accomplish is to feel better, not just physically, but emotionally in every way.

The nature of the challenge and the “great things” for you to accomplish has changed. But there are still significant things to accomplish. You have a goal, a reason to live- to accomplish great things.

You let the condition get the best of you. Time to take the best of you back and let the best of you determine your life, not the condition.

Practically, there is a huge connection between anxiety/ panic and bowel dysfunction. Including  the sensation of vomiting. I clearly remember the sensation  of vomiting in times of acute anxiety. And I have been diagnosed and suffering from anxiety and IBS for many years myself, having experienced much improvement since my anxiety is significantly lower.

What practical suggestions and instructions were you given by health professionals so far,  including by the therapist you have been seeing, so to reduce your anxiety and manage your bowel condition?

anita