Dear bedofroses:

“My brain feels like it’s a split between being anxious and depressed.. When I’m not anxious, I’m depressed… I’m either having a panic attack or stuck in a mental ditch with my depression”-

– Anxiety and depression are not two separate issues, they are very connected: when anxious, the brain is overly excited, and not in a fun way. The brain/ body cannot endure too much excitement for too long, so it shuts down and switches into depression. Depression is a kind of a rest for the brain, resting from too much excitation.

You asked for advice on how to talk to your boyfriend- my advice:

1. Do not call him  late at night anymore. Instead, call him when he is awake and available so  to not interrupt his sleep or studies.

2. Do not call him when you are drunk anymore. It may be that part of the fun of being drunk for you is calling him (we do tend to like hearing ourselves talk when buzzed or drunk). Better cut off that part of the fun.

3. Share with him your anxiety and depression in a responsible way: not repeating yourself, not going on and on and on, not crying a whole lot, and not blaming him for making you feel  bad or for not making you feel better. State how you feel with the appropriate facial expression that goes with how you feel, a tear here or there, a few, voice shaking, fine, but keep it relatively short. This way you express yourself without burdening him with over-expressing and/or blaming.

– If you want to share about the earliest time you remember yourself feeling anxious/ depressed, please do (and who is the “yer” in “yer killing me”, for you, in your life)?

anita