Hi PJ,

Do you know if there are any support groups in your area for grief? Especially for those who have lost children? Even message boards dedicated to that can offer some level of support because the group members have been and are going through that too so they can all relate, although a group that meets physically would be best. That might help to give you the support that others who haven’t been through the situation can’t offer, because they just don’t know how it feels.

I do think it’s a good idea to stay for the kids at least until they get out of high school, and if you don’t want to divorce for the kids’ sake, I definitely think it’s a good idea to try to go to couples counseling even if it’s just to work through your issues with intimacy (all kinds of intimacy). It seems like, from what you said, you guys don’t even have a companionate relationship left  as you don’t even feel the intimacy from her on an emotional or friendship level, there’s a disconnect there. You don’t have passion either, so all you have left is the commitment part, and it’s really hard to sustain a healthy relationship on that alone… so talking to each other with a counselor to help mediate the discussion, as well as a counselor’s suggestions on ways you can improve and deepen your bond with each other and redevelop intimacy might really help, and if your wife also wants to improve your relationship and stay together, hopefully she would be on board with that, too.