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Reply To: Still think about someone I barely know

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Lena
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Haha ooh the LSATs, fun times.  And yea being a lawyer right now is rough…I do corporate law, but really want to immigrants’ rights full-time (which I’m doing now pro bono).  Before I became a lawyer I wanted to be a therapist, until I realized that doing public interest law is essentially like being a therapist and lawyer in one, lol.

And it’s funny that you mentioned communication style.  One insight I’ve gained through this whole TF experience is how much I think I’m being clear with the people I’m dating, when in fact I’m sending mixed signals.  It’s like there’s this whole inner battle raging inside of me between being the “cool girl” who just lets things unfold versus being being someone who is clear and assertive and intentional about what I want–and I guess that conflict comes out in the way I communicate.  I actually just had a romantic experience recently where I felt that inner battle, and ended things after a couple of months because I knew the guy wasn’t for me (despite our super strong chemistry).  It’s kind of crazy how much he reminded me of my TF…he had a hard, masculine shell but loves music/nature and has really deep emotions, he has addiction issues, struggles with depression, etc.  It’s like the universe sent me someone that was my mini-TF, except this time I dealt with it in a much more mature way–and didn’t get back in touch with him after I ended things, the way my old self would have.

That’s the main takeaway I get from this whole TF thing…that in the end I think I’ve come away a stronger, more enlightened person (or at least someone who is attempting to be more enlightened ha).  It’s like my TF experience, painful as it was, has given me the tools I need to be a better dater, friend, relative etc.  And maybe I needed that wayyy more than I needed a soulmate.

And yea, you’re right, asking for that feminine/masculine mix is not too hard to ask for.  Sometimes I’m just worried that I have really high expectations about things, so I downplay my desires lol.  But yea… I’m hoping that now that it’s way more clear to me what I want in a partner (that whole feminine/masculine thing, for starters), it’ll be easier for me to find them.  Or to spot them when they suddenly show up in my life.

Thanks again for sharing your thoughts/experience, Grenada! 🙂