Hi Natalija,

I’m 37 and single, so I get what you’re saying about dating (although I’m really not looking and have a lot of guy friends that treat their girls very, very well), but I would still definitely look at this situation as objectively (and nonemotionally) as you can because it’s likely to blow up on someone (or all of you) in the future if it doesn’t change, which would mean he’s not actually much better than the other guys you’ve been out with if you’re still ending up in a bad or hurtful situation. I think it’s a good idea to give it more time, though, if you’re truly unclear. I’m sort of just hoping they will change their minds, and I’m sure you are too, but there are no guarantees with this, and 13 years is a REALLY long time. Maybe he isn’t thinking in terms of just how long that is either and isn’t fully grasping it.

If he does get counseling, it might be good to talk to a counselor or psychologist about the effects on children in situations like this, if it’s REALLY better for them for the parents to stay living together while dating other people or if it’s actually healthier to really separate. I’d have to wonder if any studies have been done on this.