I think when I say I’m insecure about my looks, what I mean is that I feel invisible, and I so want to be seen. And maybe if the woman who loves me doesn’t see me anymore, or perhaps never did see me as I hoped to be seen, then I have to let go of the hope that anyone ever will. And I don’t believe that words spring from my mind accidentally. When I write “seen” I suspect I mean the word more broadly than as it pertains to seeing or attractiveness. Being noticed too. Important? Worthy? Real?

Have you ever heard of love languages?  It seems, from what you’ve been saying in your posts, that yours is words. You tell your partner that she is attractive and you so wish that she would tell you that she finds you attractive, because that’s how you would know and feel it.

The thing is with attractiveness from strangers or even friends, you wouldn’t know whether they noticed you unless they came up and told you that they did, right? There could have been plenty of people who noticed you throughout your life and thought you were handsome, but if your mind was focused on feeling invisible, you wouldn’t notice them noticing you unless they told you directly, which people don’t often do (unless you’re a woman in a bar filled with drunk men. haha). But I think women as a whole often don’t go up to male strangers or even male friends and say they find them attractive. So you probably don’t even realize how many people have “seen” you over the years because people haven’t came up to you and told you, so as far as your mind was concerned, it just didn’t happen because it didn’t have solid proof in words. Does that make sense?

Check out the love languages when you get a minute and see if the words one resonates with you. It might also be a way for you to tell your partner what you need from her. Even if she works on verbalizing any of the wonderful qualities that makes her want to be in a relationship with you, I think that would surely help you to feel better.