Dear noname:

Good to read from you again. Only recently I thought about you, wondering if you post again. So pleased that you have. Thank you for the kind words in the opening of your recent post.

I read through some of your posts in previous threads, gathered some quotes and lost them as my internet today is fragile, comes and goes. I will post to you today using my words only, no quotes from you except from your post of this morning:

“what is my pain trying to tell me?”

My answer- nothing new. Your pain is not telling you anything new but the same thing it always told you: it feels dark and cold and empty and hopeless, and always the same, to be alone and lonely, hour after hour, day after day, hoping for a different tomorrow.

What I have learned more thoroughly since I last communicated with you is that we people keep re-experiencing our childhood experience, keep re-living it year after year, decade after decade. No wonder, really, because most of our brains are formed with that childhood experience in it.

When that childhood experience was horrendous enough, our thinking gets distorted; we keep projecting that experience into our current circumstances; our ability to correctly evaluate people and situations is compromised, plus, to add to our difficulties, we are dealing with people whose childhoods were also horrendous enough to distort their thinking and sometimes their honesty is terribly compromised, and when that happens, we are more lost than lost.

To live a different kind of life experience than the same-old-same-old experience of childhood we have to do the following:

1. Move out of home of origin/ End the same-old-same-old family roles. If you currently live with either one, or both of your parents, that will maintain that same-old-same-old childhood experience within the home and outside. If you move out, you will still experience the same-old-same-old, but there will  be a chance that you will experience something new. If you move out and you are still trying to help your sister by attending to your mother so that your sister is  less burdened, that is a family role that you will have to give up for a chance at experiencing a new kind of life.

2. Focus on your career so to bring in an adequate monthly income, so that you can live away from family members and be comfortable.

3. As far as women- approach dating from a scientific perspective. Put together a questionaire for potential girlfriends and see t it that any one particular woman answered correctly to the major questions in this questionaire. I don’t mean necessarily that you hand each candidate a paper or online questionaire, but that you have one available and that you keep a record of her answers/ relevant information to your questions.

First question: ask the woman what is it that she wants. Vague answers will not do. You want clarity and specifics. This woman you last dated agreed to date  only you but then went on a date with another man, telling you that she will come by your house after that date. Seems like you agreed to that. But wait: what is it that she wants with that guy, that other date? And if you want a woman who will want only you, why is it that you agreed to have her in your home after her date with another man?

Let’s say she told you: yes, I want to date only you, but I want to go on this date because.. Wait, this is not making any sense.

This is why I am suggesting the scientific approach. I am suggesting science because science has a good record at making sense.

anita