I know exactly how your feeling. I was in a 3 year relationship (lost my virginity to him) that seemed like it was the one. We talked about marriage and the whole shabang. But just like you mentioned the highs were incredibly high, but the lows were some of the worst feelings I’ve ever had in my life. We kept going back and forth about breaking up but it never seemed to stick until one day he ended things for good.
I was devastated. He wanted no contact and actually had a new girlfriend a few weeks later. While we had little contact here and there for the most part it seemed like he moved on.
I vowed to change the things that I knew I should have been working on our whole relationship and actually got back into practicing Buddhism. 4 long months later I get a desperate call for him. He apologized, took all the blame, said he still loved me, that he didn’t work on the relationship enough, said he was an asshole, regretted giving up on us, etc etc etc.
And of course naive me jumped right back in. I refused to have the title of gf/bf because I felt like we were the same exact people, acting the same way, when we were in a relationship. And you know what? We were. Eight turbulent months of the same bs that went on in our relationship was happening all over again. All the change we were working on individually went out the window, and I stopped practicing Buddhism the second we got back together.
And then once again, he ended things. I knew it was coming, I wasn’t happy and neither was he. Yet it still hurt like a bitch. Not as bad as the first time, but I still wanted him back. I said some pretty ridiculous things, begged him, said I would wait for him, etc etc. Yet once again he was already in another relationship lol.
So once again I turned back to Buddhism, and this time, I’ve stuck with it. Its not easy and it will hurt… for a long time, but if you guys were meant to be together, fate will allow it to happen…when its ready.
Your relationship didn’t work for a reason, and maybe its time you really start looking and evaluating those reasons. In mine, I was judgement, irrational, impatient, brash, and selfish. And while admitting to your faults and sincerely working on them is hard, its even harder to forgive yourself for acting that way and only noticing when its too late. You also have to stop making your ex an idol. A relationship is 50/50 so remember the faults your partner had that contributed to the end of your relationship, and don’t take all the blame yourself.
I haven’t seen my ex in 4 months now. And I’ll admit, sometimes I miss him and wish I had another chance. But a larger amount of the time I have accepted reality and what fate has brought me. I have been consistent with my practice of Buddhism and it has brought me so much peace. I finally forgave my ex for the hurt I perceived he caused me and I wish nothing but the best for him now, even if it is without me. Ive had amazing opportunities happen to me because of all the events that happened from our break up.
I’m not telling you that suddenly everything is going to be roses, but once you start letting go it gets easier. And no, its not day by day, but more like month by month you’ll notice the difference. As cliche as it sounds, time really does put things into perspective. And always remember, you cant make someone else happy unless your already by yourself.
4 months later and I’m still not there yet, but at some point you’ll realize that you actually will be, and it will be most gratifying feeling in the world.
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 