Dear Robi1992:

Good to read from you, exactly 8 months after the last time!

You are doing well, working 10 hours per week teaching and doing janitor work. You are flexible enough and hard working to be able and willing to do both kinds of work in the same workplace.

You are also making progress teaching. I experienced that myself: feeling like I don’t know what I am doing and fearing the students noticed it. (I know of people who definitely know what they are doing, and still they feel like they don’t).

But look at the progress: “After I finish my courses I always feel good and uplifted”- make that good, uplifting feeling last by bringing it back to your mind once in a while, when you need an emotional lift.

“I feel very lonely.. and I guess I felt very lonely for a long time.. maybe always”- ever since you were a child, waiting for your parents at their workplace for hours, alone, waiting for them to finish their work. We people keep living our childhood experience, when that childhood was lonely and unpleasant.

“I keep comparing myself with my friends and the people around me.. hooking up with people… everyone is having sex”- make your comparison more complete and include in it everyone who is suffering from temporary and permanent sexually transmitted diseases, and people who become parents when they are not ready for it- if you have to compare, make your comparison more complete and realistic.

“I got to the point where I simply meet a girl.. I  overthink and almost fall in love.. It’s ridiculous.. I am feeling desperate for any girl’s attention.. for some kind of intimacy”- it is not ridiculous, it is natural and understandable for a young, social and sexual animal to crave social and sexual connection with others. It is true to all humans and other social animals. We are born that way.

“I feel ashamed to be like this”- ashamed to be like every other individual social animal on the face of the earth. It doesn’t make sense, does it, to be ashamed for not defying nature?

“some days I miss ex ..girlfriend so much”- the two of you argued so much. That’s not something to miss, is it.

“I don’t know what to do”- bring to mind that uplifting feeling you have when teaching, bring to mind your hard working practice of teaching and doing janitorial work in the same workplace, that is admirable! Congratulate yourself for being able to pay for your expenses in Spain and aim at working more hours and being able to pay for your rent there as well. Patiently keep making progress, day after day after day, every day.

“I think I just needed to tell someone”- keep coming back to your thread and tell me. I want to keep reading from you, whenever it is that you need to tell someone.

anita