I’m sorry to hear that. I was in a similar situation a year ago with my fiance, so I know how your wife feels. The difference is, she seems unwilling to fix it. I felt distant with my fiance, we talked through it and decided to have more us time. We picked one day a week to be alone, go on dates, be intimate, or just cuddle on the couch and watch a movie. He also disliked how much I’m on my phone so I’m making an effort o reduce the amount of time I’m on my phone. I didn’t like how I would be in one room and he would be in another, so now I’ll bring my laptop into the living room while he’s playing video games, and he’ll come into the bedroom to nap instead of on the couch. It’s little changes but they’ve made a big difference. The fact she won’t even go on a date night upsets me. Furthermore, divorce isn’t “quitting” it is a healthy option. [no, I’m not saying run out and get that divorce] We grow and change as people over time, and someone you loved five years ago might not be the same person today. The other major one is if your future goals don’t align. There’s a show I love Aggretsuko [yes, anime fan, go with it] in its second season, it pushes this point home. Retsuko falls in love with this perfect guy, and Tadano is amazing. The two get along perfectly, they’re both better people together and want to be together forever. The conflict comes when Tadano tells her he doesn’t believe in marriage and doesn’t want kids. Retsuko realizes at that moment that’s her dream, to one day be a wife and mother, but Tadano doesn’t want that. They both love each other, they’re perfect for each other, but to live “happily ever after” Retsuko would have to give up on her dream. They break up, it’s painful for both of them, but they know it’s for the best. That’s a very painful lesson we don’t teach enough, you’re not losing, or quitting, by forcing yourself to stay somewhere that wouldn’t fulfil you, you’re failing yourself.

If she seriously wants this, go out on that date, talk about your dreams, do the work together. You both deserve to be happy, as do your kids. As someone who’s parents divorced, I can tell you, the kids know when mom and dad are upset. You can show them more if you are honest, civil, and loving. It will hurt, but how you handle it [divorce, reconciliation, or remaining in a loveless marriage] will teach your children a lesson, and hopefully the right one. Yes, work together, fall back in love with each other, remember why you fell for each other, and rediscover the people you’ve become [13 years, so much can change. Think about your favourite show 13 years ago, is it still your favourite? time marches on and things change so slowly you don’t notice]

I wish you both the best of luck and I hope things work out better than you dream.