Dear Tortured Soul:

You are welcome. There is more in your recent post than what I will be responding to in this post, but if we continue to communicate, we will eventually address all that you want to address.

I wrote to you: “this ‘unfulfilled, intense longing’ for a parent is revived, a longing for a strong capable, loving parent”, and you asked me: “if I never had comfort from either parents (or anyone really), then how can I long for something never had?”

My answer:  you did experience a bit of comfort from at least one of your parents: if your mother fed you a few times, held you, changed you, clothed you- this is comfort for the baby/ young child that you were. Plus we, humans are born with a craving for our parent, whomever it is who is there to feed us, keep us warm and alive.

Your story of your brothers telling your mother about you having a 21 year old boyfriend when you were 15, and her calling your father who came over and beat you so terribly while your brothers cooperated with the beating, is a terrible story of violence and betrayal. You then wrote that your mother regretted having called him. But did I understand correctly, that after her expressed regret, she has sent you to live with this violent man for six months?

anita