Update: Me and Tyson have been… Okay. We’ve been having a rough week because of school coming back and we’ve just been arguing a lot now, but we’ve gotten through it just fine, which is kinda what bothers me. While we were arguing, I knew I was upset and hurt, but on the outside, I felt fine. Nothing told me I was upset , and it worried me that I didn’t care, but I also thought that maybe I just calmed down, but I’m not sure. Other than that, Tyson and I have been really happy, or he has at least.

I can’t say that I’m sad about being with him, I’m not, I’m glad I’m with him and happy to be, but, it’s just me. The doubts won’t go away, at all, and it hurts. I’ll be okay, but then I start to hear “you don’t love him” And “are you sure you love him” In my head, and it’s really upsetting me. I know I can’t control my feelings, but I know what I want. I want to love him, I want to be with him. Out of everyone I’ve been with, he’s treated me the best and made me feel the most loved, but, I still feel almost nothing.

I know that I do love him in some way at least though. I always think of him and do things for him that I wouldn’t think of/do for just anyone, only him. The doubts just keep getting to me and they won’t go away. I’ve gotten better at letting go of them, but they always get me somehow.

I don’t want to leave him, I don’t want to hurt him, I don’t want to lose him. I know that for a fact. I feel like this would be one of those you-don’t-know-you-love- someone-until-you-let-them-go type of things. I also feel like it may be what you were talking about too, how, maybe I don’t feel anything right now because it’s online, but will/would when/if I see him. I really hope so, because I know what I want when it comes to my feelings and him. I just wish the doubts would go away and I would be sure I’m in love. I really want to be, and I know I can’t control it, but… Yeah.

Other than that, I’ve been doing well and so has he. We’ve been having a good day today and been getting along. A lot of stuff has been getting better and I feel like we’re moving towards a bright relationship again.