Hey all,

@ Genie. Ah, tough luck on the ankle. Take it easy & you can at least get out for a walk once it’s healed up some .Even if not a run, it still helps. And yup, no worries – just let me know when I can help. It was so encouraging to read about how you opened up to your new guy – that takes guts to do and it’s awesome he’s responded the way he has. Slow and steady, no need to rush, just find out how you fit together. Being able to talk honestly to each other is a huge part of a good long term relationship but I know first-hand how scary it is to open up so kudos to you.

@Kkasxo. Cool to hear from you again and huge congrats on the new job. Yeah it may not be your ideal but it’s always easier to find a new job whilst employed as it’s so easy to lose confidence in yourself when not in work. Who knows what it’ll lead to and at least it helps your financial pressure too eh, which has to help.  It is tough to stay in the present moment, especially when you’re the kind of person you are.  Glad to hear you are still working on it – absolutely, all small steps count – in fact, it’s the only way real change happens.

@Shelby.  Good news on the project – it does really help to have something you have to do, life is definitely a balance and neither too much or too little self-awareness/thinking is good for anyone!  It’s funny to hear you say you are directionless since you’ve been pretty clear on here about what you’d like.  You’ve talked about setting up your own beauty business, sorting out your finances so you can travel more, finding a man to have a good relationship with and possibly kids too. That’s three big aims right there!!  So I think it’s more you just don’t know what steps to take to progress with each of them. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from my journey to get where I am today – like with Kkasxo, it’s not the big steps that make it happen – it’s all of the tiny steps you take that make those dreams happen. So when you find your mind wandering to it’s well-worn groove of thinking about your ex, perhaps try and devote some of that time to thinking about what actions you can take towards those goals.

I understand the fear of becoming reliant on the new guy and it’s good you are aware of it. I think a few pages back we talked about how eventually you need to be able to soothe yourself instead of always looking to others, be it a guy, your therapist, friends, whoever. It’s good to have a helping hand absolutely, we all need those but there’s a difference between need and want.  Perhaps you could make sure when you talk with this guy it isn’t all about you, your feelings etc, going over the same old ground. Listen to him too, do the give/take thing so it’s an equal relationship, not a new dependency for you.  Talk to him about your dreams and brain storm ideas to progress them together – that’s powerful positive stuff.

ML – yes, all of us here understand that pain far too well. I too was totally blind-sided and in a very similar situation. Honestly, contact does not help pretty much anyone. I know some people can be friends with ex’s but I don’t believe that can happen until you are both emotionally separate people again. I.e. you can imagine having a conversation with him about his new girlfriend without feeling terrible. Three months for me was still way too raw for anything like that but everyone is different. Concentrate on you, on the boring but oh so helpful stuff like healthy eating, exercise, friends, family. It takes time to accept what has happened and how much your world has changed – but it does come.

As ever, hope it helps all. I shall be leaving for Asia on Friday – bring on the sun!! Will reply as when I can as ever.