Hi! I (female) am in a very weird position with a guy and don’t know how to interpret his behavior/decide what to do. Me and K got to know each other seven years ago. We are now in our early thirties. He was smitten with me back then, but I was in a committed relationship. He very sweetly admitted his feelings for me, but I turned him down because I didn’t really feel the same for him + I was in a committed long-term relationship (I am since 2006). Since seven years, since we first met, K and I are texting several times a week, I see him about once a month, and whenever we see each other, we have a blast. We have a lot of things in common, talk about everything, even the most intimate details.

As time went by, I started developing feelings for K but suppressed those for the sake of my relationship. Three years ago, I (drunkenly) admitted to him that I sometimes think about being with him, and that I wonder whether we would be right for each other. Great timing because now he was in a relationship as well. He was flabbergasted and told me that since I turned him down, he had though of me as being “out of his league” (he really said that). So I kept on suppressing my feelings. In fact, when I don’t see him in a while, my feelings go away, but every time after we meet, they resurface again. We are getting along as well as ever. He is still with the same girl (I am still with the same guy), but he frequently tells me about problems with his girlfriend, that he doubts whether to have kids with her, that things with me would be so much easier (told jokingly), and that he and his gf don’t have much of a love life anymore. I also tell him that my relationship isn’t that great.

There is tons of chemistry. We get flirty after some beers. But we never go beyond a hug or a peck on the cheek/forehead. He recently told me that his male friends are picking up on whatever is going on between us two, asking him how our recent “date” went. So he is talking about me. My biggest question is if he would want to be with me. It would involve both of us leaving our current partners. What can I do? How does he feel? Am I just a trusted friend to him? Why does he tell me all of that personal stuff? I would be especially interested in the male perspective here because it’s hard for me to decipher him.