Dear Joanna.s:

“I’m afraid I have no identity. Many things I have done in my life.. was on purpose to make my mother mad or to satisfy her”-

-I will tell you what I understand, and if you want, you can let me know if I understood correctly, or if i didnt and correct me, and we can communicate further.

What I understand is that as a child you were consumed by trying to satisfy/ please your mother, trying to make her happy with who you are, make her value you, make her give you that Okay stamp so that you can be free to become your own person.

But she never did give you that Okay, so you never had the opportunity to become your own person, with your own preferences, own desires, values, motivations.. your own identity.

Consumed by a motivation every child has- to satisfy her mother/ to be Okay-ed by her mother so to grow up and become a healthy, independent adult, on one hand,

and on the other hand, consumed by anger at her for refusing to give you that Okay- stamp, your life so far, has been about your mother, not about you.

Now, living away from her, at 34, you still don’t have.. you.

Did I understand correctly?

anita