Dear Anita,

I see what you did there. I thought of it myself all these days. My friends and family said the same. That although I may fear being pushing, I am actually a true pushover and a people pleaser. So, men test my limits whilst having fun and exploiting me.

I would really like to STOP, just stop stop stop this. It’s eating me up. Submission is sexy to me, natural. I know we talked about it at length, I tired to even carry the thought that I remain as such. But every step to stand up for myself and be assertive seems like a full blown, rude revolution in my head.

My dad and mom are starting to get worried sick. They want me to be a strong, independent woman and choose wisely and don’t allow sh*t to happen to me AND FEEL responsible and like the worst human being.

Do you think he was a good man and I pushed him away? Am I overeating, am I really in my head? The what ifs and only ifs are torturing me.

I think it’s the fear of missing out. But all the people around me are mad at the fact I always turn against myself, even with deadbeat loosers and players…

Anita, my fear is I will always rely on someone to comfort my mind because I cannot silence the damn thing. I even booked a session with a new therapist this Friday evening. God’s a big help, the past is a good help, others people misery is a good help. I was reading all day long topics from the forum and articles here. i felt good and relieved, next hour, back to how I was. Can’t beat the devil can you?