And @inky!
It’s much more complicated than that! I can’t just stop seeing my family or my dad or talking to them even though he scarred me for life. He just doesn’t realize it and my mom tries to ignore my feelings whenever I talk about it since I was young and would take his side. « You shouldn’t have done that, why did you talk back, you knew he was gonna get mad so why did you say that? » etc etc

i always felt guilty because I didn’t know why he hated me or what I was doing , for example I remember when I was 12 I loved the movie twilight and so I made a Facebook account just so I can post a picture of a character, but he wasn’t wearing a shirt in that pic, so when my dad saw that he called me a whore and hit me , I’ll never forget it.

this happened many many times throughout my life and not so long ago I realized it was never my fault and would try to stop him whenever he tries to hit me now, I don’t just curl up into a ball and wait for it to end anymore! But still in Morocco it’s super socially acceptable for “the man of the house” to be abusive towards his wife and kids and it’s f**** up . Him being like that traumatized beyond measures.
but now that I’m away from him I gotta deal with all the anxiety and trauma resurfacing and what is driving me crazy right now is what I think is relationship ocd and I’ve been struggling since December ☹️